Friday! But not just another ordinary Friday, this is the beginning of Super Bowl weekend! You can go back to my archives and see that I’ve been rooting for Oakland since week one. Did I say Oakland? I meant the Steelers but once that ship sailed, Oakland seemed like the next logical choice. I like Rich Gannon, if he throws 6 touchdowns on Sunday; I get paid 100 to 1. That’s some sweet action! At this point it should be noted that I know less about sports gambling than I do about sports. Still, you have to be in it to win it!

I have an annual tradition at my household.Saturday morning, I get up bright and early, drive down to the old Circuit City and buy a Big Screen TV! My Mom always says — If you’re going to watch the Super Bowl, you need a super screen! Here’s the baby I got my eye on this year:

TV for the Super Bowl
As tradition has it, I watch the game on Sunday and return the set on Monday. Circuit City has a great return policy. If you think about it, everybody wins. Oakland all the way! Who will you be rooting for this Sunday? Let me know on my message board.

I need to buy some winter clothes! I froze my butt off walking home last night. My wardrobe never fully recovered from my bleaching accident a few months back. I’ll never forget that moment when the bleach hit those colored clothes. Oh the many tragic events that have happened in my life.

I’m going to end it here for today. I’ll be back on Monday with stories of betting on sports, lost romance and the heart-breaking story of my yearlong battle with Haagen-Dazs addiction.

God Bless America.

I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about how cold it is but it’s still damn cold! And I know in other parts of the country/world it’s colder. But it seems unusually cold in the east and it seems like its been that way for an unusually long period of time. My theory? Global warming? Ha ha, don’t make me laugh. Global warming, recycling and the hole in the ozone are the biggest frauds perpetrated by the liberal media today. I blame it all on UFO’s. That’s right; I’m perfectly sane when I say that. You see, UFO’s have been coming to earth for many, many years. They travel at such a high rate of speed and produce such an immense amount of heat that over time, have caused the polar ice caps to slowly melt, thus producing these fluctuations in the atmosphere. It’s simple science.

That’s my new character, Insane Bob, he wrote the first paragraph of today’s diary. I like Insane Bob. Oh creative writing, houst I love thee. Again, I don’t know what to talk about today. It’s Thursday, today’s the day where the American workforce gets everything done so they can leave work early on Friday. As far as this diary goes, I’m just the opposite. Monday’s the best diary of the week, followed by another good one on Tuesday. Wednesday, things start to thin out a bit. Thursday usually has me reaching for material (i.e. UFO’s) and Friday, I like Friday diaries, they just put a nice bow on the week. I wonder if anything will happen in this next paragraph?

My luck ran out last night. I didn’t win my scratch-off tickets. I knew I wasn’t going to win from the very first scratch. One ticket was for 10,000 and the other for $2500. You just know no one wins those! I’d have better luck falling into a manhole. Although, I did step in crap the other day – the odds on that have to be up there. I’m going to keep playing the lottery. You never know when you’re going to step in crap; you know what I’m saying?

I listened to music again last night. OK, I have to stop here for today, I’m rambling.

Have a great day. God Bless America.

Two nights in a row I went straight home and listened to music. Mostly listened to the Rolling Stones. They have quite the body of work. I also listened to a CD that I got in the mail yesterday. The band has a horrible name, The Brian Jonestown Massacre, but their CD, Strung Out In Heaven, is very satisfying. Also for two nights in a row, I bought scratch-off tickets. Monday night, I won $2. If you know anything about me, you know I let it ride! Well, I won another $2. I’ll let you know what happens tomorrow on tonight’s purchase. I also played the Mega Millions game; it’s up to $50 million. You have to be in it to win it!

The Spanish Prisoner is a pretty good movie. I’m listening to music, typing this diary and I just looked over and saw something I didn’t notice before. Cool.

Have you figured it out yet? I have nothing to talk about today. Excuse me if today’s diary is eerily reminiscent of King’s Things.

If I had a bookie, I’d bet the farm on Oakland. Rich Gannon just had a super season and he deserves to go all the way.

When I said “bet the farm” that reminded me of a story. BobBorden.com presents: Stories I Don’t Remember but I’m Going To Tell Anyway — I think I heard this on a radio station years ago, I can’t remember? Anyway, Neil Young was out on his boat, I believe on his lake. He had his house and barn wired like a stereo. Neil was listening to the music and yelled over to someone on land, “I need more barn.” And that was Stories I Don’t Remember but I’m Going To Tell Anyway. I enjoyed that when I was younger. I thought to myself, wow, how cool is that? And then I’d grab a bowl of chips and watch Speed Racer. Such is life.

I think that may be all for today. If I win the $50 million, I’ll be calling in the next diary from my solid-gold car.

Have a great day. God Bless America.

It’s still cold outside.

Hello. Before I start today, I thought I’d take a second to remind everyone that wasn’t near a computer yesterday, that BobBorden.com was all new yesterday. So, please go back to the archives to catch up. I’d hate for my pretty words to be lost.

Tuesday. It’s still cold outside. I’m going to go on record with this statement: I don’t care how cold it is anymore. It gets cold in the winter and hot in the summer – The End. Feel free to quote me on that.

I’m on the bus yesterday morning and I see a guy in the park walking his dog. The guy is scraping his shoe on the pavement/grass like he just stepped in it. I felt bad for the guy but couldn’t help but to laugh to myself – I love stuff like that. Cut to me at work a half hour later – I’m sitting there and that’s odd, what’s that funky smell? I cleaned my office on Friday. Sure enough, somewhere along the way, I stepped in dog crap! I couldn’t really get upset about it after I laughed at that other guy – serves me right, as my Mom says. Here’s a photo of my crappy shoe:

You didn’t really think I took a photo of that did you? I did think about it, ha ha. The guy stepped in it and I stepped in it!? What’s going on? Is this an epidemic!? This is yet another very good reason why all people should own cats. They’re clean, amazing to observe and when they have to use the bathroom, they crap in a box — none of this going outside nonsense. Please note that BobBorden.com is pro cats.

I didn’t do a whole heck of a lot yesterday. Work ate up the majority of my day. I got home and watched Monster Garage. I like that show but I don’t love it. I know I say that every week. The best thing on TV last night wasn’t a television show; it was a movie title/description. I was surfing through the menu and saw this x-rated movie title: Naked Outlaws. I have to say, I was intrigued. Often, I’ve thought about being a naked outlaw. The description was as good as the title. The description read: Nudists flout the law. Ha ha! I thought that was very funny. I was laughing, and then I remembered that I live alone with two cats! —Sweet ironic life.

I listened to a lot of music last night. Elliot Smith, Beck, live Clash and so on. I like music. I think that’s enough for today.

Have a great Tuesday. God Bless America.

Hello. I usually post Monday’s diary Sunday night at midnight. I wait until then because you never know if something exciting will happen. However, the way this weekend has gone, I can honestly say that nothing exciting will happen. So, I’m going to post this one at 3:00 on Sunday.

I didn’t have a bad weekend, it just wasn’t filled with car chases and knife fights, you know, like all my other weekends, ha ha.

Friday night I headed over to Walter’s house to work on a couple of side projects. We over estimated the amount of work and soon were eating Burritos and playing video games. I was going to leave after we were done working but “Sally” brought up video games and I was hooked. Good evening.

Saturday I woke up around 11. Did I mention it didn’t break 30 degrees the whole weekend?Thank goodness for my comforter, I would have been a giant slab of ice by now. I poured a bowl of Lucky Charms and turned on the tube. Two great movies were playing at the same time, The Magnificent Seven and Lawrence of Arabia. I flipped between the two and then committed to Lawrence of Arabia. Man that’s a great one! I own it too but got sucked in to the one playing on AMC. AMC has really gone downhill – they show commercials and they showed Lawrence of Arabia, full screen with that Pan & Scan crap! It’s truly awful! I’m going to watch that film again next weekend – on DVD!

After that I walked up the street to do my laundry. It was too cold for me to get into the car and drive to Nutley. I wasn’t in the mood. I did my laundry, dropped it off at home and then got some dinner. I stopped off at the store to get some soda. This girl was reaching for the paper napkins but couldn’t reach them. I helped her get her paper napkins. She thanked me and told me that they’re apartment got flooded. I felt bad but as soon as she said “our apartment” I assumed she was talking about her boyfriend. Just once I’d like to meet a woman in a cool way. Just once!

After the store, I bought some dinner, another burrito. I watched some of the Rolling Stones on HBO. They were really good! Good old fashion LIVE music – Britney Spears and Janet Jackson, take note. Yes, TAKE THAT! After that I put in a DVD that my friend Jay let me borrow, Amores Perros — great, great film. I missed it in 2001 but again, through the magic of DVD; I was able to experience something cool.

Sunday I got up around 9. I drove over to the old A & P.

at the A & P
And that brings us up to this very moment. I should go out but I don’t feel like it. Football is coming on soon. Besides that, when you go out, you spend money. I don’t make the kind of money that you can spend – Sad but true.

OK, that’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

It’s Friday! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to the weekend. It’s going to be a cold one back east. My next sentence was going to be the following: “The cold is good for you, makes you feel alive.” Then I realized I had no idea what I was talking about! Not a good sign, I’m not even out of the first paragraph yet. My gloves have holes in them. I was shaking someone’s hand last night and noticed several holes on my nice, warm knitted gloves. I’m down to one pair of gloves. They’re black and made out of some material not found in nature. I’ll give them a shot.

I’m sitting at my desk yesterday, working very hard. Then this guy came into my office and hands me some papers. I opened up the envelope and I was served with divorce papers!

are no more
Pam, my one and only love, dropped me like a hot rock! The papers didn’t state the reason for the divorce. So, I gave Pam a call. Turns out she thought it was all just a joke! Were the flowers a joke, was our reception A JOKE?! — Think about it Pam. I’m real! I have feelings; my love isn’t something that you can just throw away like common trash. This was the best week of my life and sadly, the worst week of my life. I’ll go on Pam, don’t worry about me. I’m going to be fine.

To the nice people on my message board – you were right, I was wrong. I learned a lesson and today I’m a better man for it. What a week! Pam and I will remain friends. And to all the ladies out there, Bobby is back on the market! This is an odd website.

I think I should see a movie this weekend. I feel like I haven’t seen a movie in a while. And I think I’ll do my laundry in Hoboken again. There’s a place by me that plays movies/TV while you wash your stuff. Last week I watched Cast Away with Tom Hanks. I enjoyed that movie. I’m still shocked that at the end of the movie, his wife is remarried with a family. I guess people have to move on but damn. I guess I shouldn’t get upset; it’s just a movie.

I bought a CD on Half.com for 75 cents! And it’s brand new. I either found a terrific deal or I have terrible taste in music –something to think about.

OK, that’s it! I’m routing for Oakland and Philly this weekend. Have a great weekend. God Bless America.

Hello Thursday! I had a major crisis last night. I turned on my TV and the picture was green in the corners. I freaked out! I immediately called my TV advisor, Jay. Jay wasn’t home but by the time I left a message, the set cleared up. Whew! The set is 10 years old and was given to me by Jay. I think it’s starting to go but we’ll see. I’ve had it for close to 3 years. After the panic left my body that I would be TV-less for an evening, it hit me – I’m addicted to Television.

Is it the programming, the soft glow of light, the solid black case, the warmth it provides? It could be all of the above. My car and TV are approximately the same age, I wonder if that means anything? Oh wait, I think it means I’m a poor bastard, ha ha! I picked my own lottery numbers the other night hoping that I’d win a quick 35 million. At the end of the day, when your hopes and dreams rest on the winning of the lottery, you know you’re in trouble.

A lot of controversy on my message board concerning my wedding announcement yesterday. I read your messages of shock and disgust but decided to go ahead with it anyway. I’m sick of dating and all that goes with it! I’m very happy to announce that after a long friendship, Pam agreed to be Mrs. PamBorden.com. We couldn’t wait until Valentine’s Day — here’s some photos from our reception last night:

Pam read my website, called me up and said “I’d love to be your wife.” She had me at “I’d.” We’re head over heels for each other! I know I promised Las Vegas for our honeymoon but on such short notice, we had to improvise. Our reception was at T.G.I. Fridays and the honeymoon was at Howard Johnson’s. I know that sounds like a lousy wedding but when two people are so into each other it just doesn’t matter.

So, I hate to say I told you so but I told you so. And to all the “ladies” out there, I say this to you: YOU MISSED THE BOAT! I’m officially off the market! Life is good!

I stopped by the record store the other night looking for a CD that I sold that now I want to listen to again. They didn’t have it. Then I remembered that Prince has a live CD out and I’ll pick that up. I look in the Prince section and nothing. Odd, maybe Prince didn’t put one out after all. I’m walking out the store and I see the new Prince CD. Except it isn’t a CD, it’s a box set. 4 CDs for $57!
I don’t have that kind of money, hell, I just got married! Maybe it’s cheaper online. Just looked online, found it for $47 but still, $47!

OK, that’s it for today. It’s still cold outside but I don’t care anymore because my heart is warm! Have a great day! God Bless America.

Hello. I had a pretty busy day at work yesterday. But that’s what life’s all about, working hard and being proud of a good day at the grind stone. My cold is still hanging in there. That flu shot I had back in October wasn’t worth a plug nickel! I think they may have shot me up with water. I’m done with flu shots; I bought into the hype, lived in a false state of healthiness and suffered the consequences.

I was walking by Rupert’s Hello Deli last night and Rupert and May gave me a free hot chocolate! How nice is that? It was oh so chocolaty good. It’s the little things. Thanks Rupert and May!

As you may or may not know, I don’t have a girlfriend. I am sans woman. I usually don’t think about it that much but with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, it crossed my mind. It’s with that thought that I make the following MAJOR BOBBORDEN.COM ANNOUNCEMENT: By St. Valentine’s Day 2003, I Bob Borden of BobBorden.com will be married. I have less than a month to pull all of this together but I can do this. I need this from you; if you know of a woman in the tri-state area, please ask her to drop me a line –

marry Bob?
I figure we’ll go out, talk, get to know each other and then take the plunge. Where will we get married, where will we honeymoon? Two words: Las Vegas. That’s right, that was NOT a misprint, Las Vegas baby. Now let me set the record straight on something — I’m not desperate, ha ha ha, not by a long shot. I’m just sick of “the game.” I honestly think that at this stage in my life, I’d be better off if I were a couple. OK, again, drop me a line. Thank you.

Holy moly, it’s cold out there! I’m thinking about buying a jacket to wear over my jacket. My leather gloves are worthless. Highly fashionable, but as warm as a cold rock.

OK, talked about work, the weather and set a goal of being married by Valentine’s Day. Yep, that should do it for a Wednesday.

Have a great day. God Bless America.