And now, Master Storyteller, Bob Borden, brings you today’s diary –

Hello. As I write this on Sunday night, I’m fighting a cold and the cold seems to be winning. Nothing major, I just feel off and my nose is stuffed up. I’ll live.

Showbiz perk #121:

to Late Show on Friday.
I’ve had a taste of heaven
and I like it.
Friday night, the plan was to leave work and check out the film, Adaptation. It was 6:10, the movie was at 7 and we didn’t seem to be leaving fast enough. Jay was going to meet us there so I left the group to meet Jay. I was waiting for the E train and it wasn’t coming. I felt like I was waiting there for 15 minutes. The D train came and I got on that. They both have stops at 42nd street. I get off at my stop, walk up to street level and I was very disoriented.

I was on 42nd Street but on a part I’ve never been to. I start walking and I saw the theatre where I’m meeting everyone. But it was so weird seeing it from the reverse perspective that I didn’t believe I was going in the right direction. I didn’t see the Port Authority. I turned around because I was sure I was going the wrong way. I walked over to a park I recognized. At that point, I was going to jump on a train and go home. As I was crossing the street, I ran into Jay! Jay said to me, “What are you doing?” I had a hard time explaining my stupidity. So, technically, I got lost. That was the first depressing thing that happened to me this weekend. The movie was OK, not great, just OK.

Saturday, I woke up late and watched football. I got a shower around 2 and was going to go into the city to do some shopping but I didn’t get off the sofa until 4:30. Saturday night, I finally got up the energy and left my apartment. I caught a bus. I looked around and noticed something — I was surrounded by couples. I counted about 10 couples in all. I’m not kidding; they were everywhere. It was like something out of a sitcom, a very bad sitcom. That was the second depressing thing that happened to me this weekend. I think I went into the city to make up for my getting lost on Friday. I’m not sure why I did that because it was insane in Times Square. I didn’t think ahead of time that during the Holidays in Manhattan, there would be a lot of people. There was a line to get into Toys ‘R’ US! I did what I wanted to do and got the hell out of there.

Sunday, I woke up around 9 and drove to Nutley to do my laundry. Have you ever been in a laundry mat, folding you clothes, with Christmas music playing? That was the third depressing thing that happened to me this weekend.

After the A & P, I watched football all day.

If you read today’s diary closely you’ll notice that I said I was depressed 3 times. I only used that word as a device to tie everything together. Rest easy, I’m fine, Mom.

Should I tip the guy I get my burritos from? That’s a tough one.

That’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

NEXT DIARY DECEMBER 26. Merry Christmas!

Have you ever put together 50 CDs while trying to get through a very heavy workday? Not easy. Man, I’m tired but I’m glad I was able to spread the love this year. I’d still like to make a few more; I didn’t even give one to myself! Who’s better than me? Exactly.

This just in: My Mom finally received her birthday present! If there’s something that says I love you better than a 6.5-gallon drum of popcorn, I don’t know what that would be. Happy belated birthday!! 1-800-flowers, I haven’t forgotten about you, not by a long shot! 2 day shipping my foot!

In other bad shipping news – my car window still hasn’t arrived. I’m windowless, without window, sans window –I got no glass. Having a Glad garbage bag taped to your car really zaps the old self-confidence. I’m looking at this as a character building experience. Whenever I saw someone else’s car with a busted window, I always used to wonder how that person would deal with getting the car fixed. Now, I know. Damn criminals!

You know what I did the other day just for the heck of it? I went to the BobBorden.com storeand bought myself a shirt. That’s not a plug for my store. I just thought it was funny that I bought my own shirt. This diary is becoming more and more like King’s Things with each passing day. That’s a shame.

I’m looking forward to the weekend. I’m going to hangout with friends and just relax. I don’t have anything else to add to that sentence. It may be time for me to wrap this up.

Before I sign off, I have to give special thanks to our intern, Greg. Greg did a fantastic job this semester and he’ll really be missed. Thanks for everything!

This diary could very well be the worst one ever. I was at work until 10:30 last night with Walter making the covers for my Holiday CD. I didn’t get home until 11:30; I’m tired and cranky. But it will all be worth it when I see the joy that my CD brings to my fellow coworkers. We made about 50. It’s honestly the best mix of music I’ve ever compiled. Not a bad song in the bunch. My hat goes off to Walter; he came up with my cover design this year. He knocked down about 20 of my ideas and then said, “What about this — “. And his idea was just so stupid/funny, I had to do it. And that’s why I’m making Walter my Person of the Day!

Wait, I don’t have a Person of the Day segment. Well, if I did, he’d be on there!

I almost gave “the finger” to some stranger on the bus tonight. There were “wacky girls” on the old bus and when they got off they were walking towards their other friend, still on the bus, and for about 3 to 7 seconds, I felt like flipping the bird. I thought it would be the perfect way to say, no one cares that you’re wacky drunk girl tonight,relax. But it being the season of giving, I didn’t do it.

Did I mention that I’m very tired right now?

I mentioned that I was trying to go to a Steelers game earlier in the week. Well, reality set in and I’m not going to go. I simply can’t afford it. It’d be like $250 or so for 2 tickets. I’ll try to plan it out better next year. I don’t like being poor but it seems to like me very well.

My Mom’s birthday gift didn’t arrive like it was supposed to yesterday! Pisses me off. Where I come from, 2-day shipping means 2-DAY SHIPPING!!!!!!!!!! Hey, that’s a great opening line. Oh, I plan on writing a letter today.

This diary didn’t turn out so bad after all.

That’s it for today. Have a great Thursday. God Bless America.

Hello. I want to start today’s diary by wishing one of my loyal readers a very Happy Birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM! In years past the trick of combining her birthday and Christmas used to save me from buying another gift. But she wised up and let it be known that she wants a birthday present. Last year, I was good with the gift and had planned on being good this year too. I went to a website and ordered something cool, I specified a date of arrival, almost paying in shipping what the item is worth and the damn thing hasn’t shipped yet! I don’t care if it is Christmas and they’re busy – don’t let me select a date if you can deliver the goods!

So, Mom – Happy Birthday but those bastards haven’t shipped your gift yet! It’s always something.

Last night, I stayed at work late burning my Christmas CD. It’s all about the mix. I think I found a perfect balance of stuff without adding any heavy metal. I would have loved to put some Motley Crue on there but I have to think of my audience. Looking forward to getting this thing done.

My used car window hasn’t come yet. I have 5 windows on 6-window car! I’m thinking about breaking the other 5. I’m sick of windows, I’m sick of walls, and I’m sick of society! I hope it comes in this week.

I’m cutting it short today. Have a great Wednesday! God Bless America.

The transit strike is over! That usually means that John Q. Public will get the shaft. Higher fares and less service, I’m guessing. Somebody let me know when everything stops going down the downward spiral.

I’m trying to buy Pittsburgh Steelers tickets for a game on the 29th — damn they’re pricey! It’s odd how the price goes up when the tickets are sold out, ha ha. If you or anyone you know has a pair of tickets they want to sell, drop me a line. It’s about time I start making this website work for me.

I had fun last night at the Late Show Christmas party. It was nice to kick back with my fellow workers to ring in the holidays. Good time! I went light on the food and by the time I got back to Hoboken, I was hungry. So, I stopped off for a slice. The guy in there, I think he owns the place, he recognized me from my on air days. I was so happy; I thought to myself, this is how it should be. Then, he said to me in conversation, “You got bigger.” My head hung low after that. I’m never leaving my apartment again.

What else? I finished my Christmas CD yesterday — up next, the duplication and graphic phase. I really should have started this process a month ago. I always wait until the last minute with my personal projects. And for the second year in a row, I’m not sending out Christmas cards. I just don’t have it in me to do that anymore.

That’s it for today. God Bless America.

Hello. I bet you’re asking yourself, “I wonder what Bob did this weekend?” Well, let me tell you –

Friday night I didn’t have anything going on. That’s so unlike me on a Friday night, usually I’m Bobby New York – ha ha, I called up my friend Walter and said, “what up?” he said come on over and we’ll play some cards. Before I knew it, I was on the PATH train to New York. Walter, “Sally”, Suzie and I had a great time playing cards and hanging out. I kept losing over and over again. Damn cards! We were having such a great time and then the doorbell rang.

We’re on the ground floor and some gutless wonder from the 5th floor came down to ask us if we realized how much noise we were making. We had the door open and I guess the sound traveled up. OK, yes – we were a little loud and yes, it was late – around 2 am at that point but still. He rang the bell — be a man about it and knock on the door. Generally speaking, living in the concrete jungle with people stacked on top of people – sucks. In the words of Billy Corgan, “despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage” – What the hell, people can’t get together and laugh? Did we lose a war?! Are we living in China?! “Does anybody remember laughter?” – Robert Plant

Around 4 am I was sitting on my sofa eating a chocolate Dunkin donut. Now that’s sweet living! I had a good night.

Saturday, I woke up around 11 and stayed in bed listening to CDs until about 1. I’m putting my Christmas CD together and this year my goal is for people to listen to it all year. The ratio of entertaining songs to annoying Bob is 99% to 1%. I had some soup for lunch and then listened to more music. I like the mix I put together.

Saturday night I met up with my friend Tiffany for some dinner. Chinese and then we rented a movie. Nothing popped out at us so I recommended we see one of my favorites, Drugstore Cowboy. Tiffany didn’t care for it. Damn. I was out the door soon after the end credits rolled. I blame Hollywood. It really is a great film.

Sunday, I woke up around 10ish and drove to Nutley to do my laundry. This was the maiden voyage of my car with a garbage bag instead of a window (see last week). I have to say; the bag wasn’t that different than a window. Except I can’t see out of the bag – I hope my “new” window comes in the mail this week.

After laundry, I went to the A & P in Hoboken. I usually go to the one in Jersey City but I thought I’d mix it up a little. I have to say, I don’t like the Hoboken A & P. The aisles are narrow, the parking is laughable and the cashier didn’t respond to me after I said thank you. I said thank you and he just left me hanging – what the hell?! I won’t be back there anytime soon. Someday I’m going to make a list of all the places and people I’m “boycotting” – I’m not sure if the list should be alphabetical of chronological?

I was home by 1:30. I watched football the rest of the day. I know I say this every week but this Fantasy League I’m in has sparked an unprecedented interest in sports. I’m even going to try and see a game in the next two weeks. I’ve never been to an NFL game before. I mean as a spectator. I worked the Super Bowl a few years back, I didn’t get to see the actual game. I believe Denver won that year, I was in their locker room – very cool.

On Friday, my friend Pam came into my office and was very excited about her new shoes. Like overly, scary excited about them. So, I agreed I’d put them on my site today.

useless
And that is it. I miss The Sopranos. Have a great day. God Bless America.

Friday is here! It’s Friday the 13th, if you believe in that sort of crap. I’m so happy to put this week behind me. Throw eggs or snowballs at me but don’t mess with my ride – that’s my freedom machine! My used window hasn’t come in the mail yet. At first I was worried about having a plastic bag instead of a window, you know, for security reasons. Then I realized that if they’ll break a window, they’d do anything. Nothing’s safe.

Hey, I just remembered, my friends John and Julia had a baby boy yesterday! BobBorden.com is happy to welcome Ryan James Boggs into the world. Congratulations!!! I love having my own website, now I don’t have to send a card or a gift.

I’m watching QVC right now and there’s a guy on there getting way too excited about cheesecake. Calm down, buddy! “Calm down, buddy!” That’s the best I could come up with – sad. You suck, Borden!

You know what I miss?

billboard
(file photo)
I miss The Majestic billboard that I used to see out my office window everyday for four months. Earlier in the year, this thing used to drive me nuts. The movie bombed in about a week and the billboard was up for months and months. The sign has been down since maybe May and nothing’s taken its place. There’s just a blank billboard up now. Funny how life works — what once I didn’t like, now I miss. There’s a life lesson in there somewhere.

I think that may be all I have to say today. To recap this week: My car window got smashed, my car was ransacked, I lost the lottery and after my bleaching accident of a few weeks ago, I’m finding that I don’t have a lot of clothes to wear these days. But you know what? I’m alive and I’m mighty thankful for a great family and great friends! So what the hell?!

Now the QVC guy loves Lemon Coconut Layer Cake! Make up you mind dude!

That’s it. God Bless America.

“Make up you mind, dude!” –? Boooooooooooooo!

The Elvis Costello / Burt Bacharach CD still holds up. Damn, that’s good stuff — tugs at the old heartstrings. My favorite? God Give Me Strength. I listened to that the other night and damn if it didn’t almost bring a tear to my eye.

cd
I’m over the shock of some crazed junkie ransacking my car. I think all he/they got was the change from my astray and a flashlight. The next time someone wants to break into my car, I wish they’d just call me. Hell, I’ll go down and give them a couple of bucks. This crap will end up costing me about $250. I’m 33 years old, my car was just broken into and who’s the first person I called? That’s right, my Mom. Why my Mom? I’m not sure. I just thought that was kind of unusual/funny. By the way, Mom – because of this unexpected dent in my wallet, no Christmas gift for you this year – sorry sweets.

I was flipping the channels last night and I caught a glimpse of a show on ABC, Extreme Makeovers or something like that. Anyway, they (‘They’ being Hollywood) did plastic surgery on 3 people. I think the idea is just kind of disgusting. I can’t really put my finger on it but something just seemed wrong. I’m all for letting people do what ever the hell they want but that doesn’t mean I need to see it in my living room.

I ended up watching Junkyard Wars, the UK edition. They made one-wheeled mopeds or something. I just like watching shows about cars now. The Osbournes is off the radar screen for me this season. They’re just too over-exposed for me. I’d rather just put on an Ozzy CD and ride that Crazy Train into musical bliss! I may know too much about Ozzy now. I don’t know.

It’s going on two days of rain here on the East Coast. All I can think about is I hope the tape and garbage bag can keep my car dry. Damn junkie car thieves! Sorry.

That’s it for me today. Have a great day. God Bless America.