I like that movie IQ; I was watching a little of that last night. I’m not going to do a Diary on Friday; I’m taking a day off for Good Friday. I will be back on Monday with more of my crazy antics. I want to say thanks to Mike McIntee for letting me use his computer the other day. My database was down and Mike was kind enough to let me use his. Mike’s good people.


Speaking of good people, I buy my subway tokens from the same woman about every other day. Recently, they put in these new metro card machines. They allow you to use a “credit card” to get on the subway. I said hi to her and she said hi back. And then I pointed to those machines and said, “I’ll never use those machines.” We both had a good laugh. I hate semicolons! I think there should just be one punctuation for everything. You know what else I don’t like, mean people. Sometimes we all just need to calm down. I’d like to apologize to my friend, Pam. My Kiss story in yesterday’s Diary brought up some bad memories for her. Back in high school, a friend took her to a Kiss convention. She was there for 12 hours! That’s a long time to be exposed to something. It was probably a shock to her system. Speaking of shock, remember the song Shock Me, by Ace? “Shock Me, make me feel better”–that track is off the hook. Enough about Kiss, they ain’t putting any money in my pocket.

Prince has a song called Kiss. Tom Jones did a cover of that. I’M LOSING MY MIND!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! Internet Acting, thank you, thank you very much. Wait, I am losing my mind, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Acting again, ha ha. I remember this Shakespeare class I had in college. It was about the time REM’s Losing My Religion came out. I remember this because this student asked the Shakespeare teacher if she thought it was blasphemous. In a Shakespeare class!! She answered his question, but I just thought to myself, what an idiot! When is this college crap going to end already! Man, what an ugly day today. OK have a great weekend and I’ll be back on Monday.

I think I’m going to try and learn the guitar again. I’ve started that journey many times but have failed. I figure – what the hell? Instead of playing theDukes of Hazzard, you might as well pick up a trade. Or at least read a book. Speaking of the Dukes, I finished the game last night! – 18 levels in three days. Well, really only two, because I only played it at night this week. So, I’m thinking that’s probably some kind of record. Anyway, back to the guitar, my goal is to be able to play Blizzard of Ozz, by Ozzy Osbourne. There’re some sick licks on that record. And to set an even higher goal, I want to start my own Ozzy tribute band and tour the world. The name of the band will be Over the Mountain. Just a guitar, a drum machine and me. That’s it – I work alone. If it’s OK, I’d like to try out my Ozzy banter:

You’re beautiful!

Are you ready to get crazy?

Are you ready to go f**king wild?

Here’s Flying High Again, so keep on smoking those joints!

And then, just in case they think I’m kidding around, I’ll throw in another Are you ready to get crazy?!!!!!! They’ll freak! In all my years of going to heavy metal concerts, the best banter by far is by Paul Stanley of Kiss. He gets the crowd going! You have to see it to appreciate it. He makes you feel good for buying millions of dollars in Kiss merchandise. He puts you at odds with the critics that said Kiss was a fad and a joke. It’s great stuff. The farewell tour was amazing! I saw it in Pittsburgh. A week after the concert, I was riding the bus in Hoboken. I saw this guy with a Kiss Farewell Tour T-shirt on. I said, “Did you see that tour?” He said, “Yeah, it was great, I saw it last week in Pittsburgh.” I said, “No way, me too!” Just then I had to get off the bus. I looked back at the bus and we gave each other the heavy metal salute, it was awesome. Can you even begin to calculate the odds of that ever happening? Two guys at the same show, that haven’t met, run into each other, on a bus, in Hoboken a week later. It drives me crazy just thinking about it. What if he didn’t wear that shirt? What if I took a later bus? I have a feeling I’m going to meet my future girlfriend on a bus. I hope she has a Kiss T-shirt on or I’ll probably never talk to her! I slept in today. I always set my alarm to wake up at 6 but I usually get up around 6:30/7:00. I didn’t get up today until 8:00. Now, I still got to work early, 9:30, but I just don’t feel right. I get up so early because when I came to New York and started to work here, I didn’t want to be late. So, I’d come to work extremely early. It’s just a habit I haven’t been able to break. However, It’s a good habit. I think that’s all I have today. Have a good day.

Paul Stanley said it best,
“When you’re down in the dumps and you need something to get up back up, what do you want?”
Audience: “COLD GIN!”
Paul Stanley: “What, I can’t hear you?”
Audience: “COLD GIN!!”
Paul Stanley: “All right, COLD GIN!!!!!!!!”

Have a great day! ROCK N’ ROLL FOREVER!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, the nicest day of the year and I wore corduroy pants. That sums up the story of my life. I had the usual busy day at work. Blah, blah, blah. I got off the bus last night and the sky started to cry. What a major downpour! I’m lucky there was a bar close by; otherwise I would have been soaked. So, Monday night I ended up in a bar. When in Rome, you know what I’m saying? I only had one beer but it was fantastic! I was in a bar, enjoying an ice cold brew and The Simpsons was on TV. Heaven on earth. I got home and tried, without success, to finish the Dukes of Hazzard game. I’m stuck on level 16. I’ve had this game for two days and I feel like it’s mocking me. I may break it.


I’m thinking about opening my own post office. The post office charges 34 cents for a letter, right? Well, I’m going to low ball them and charge 33 cents. Instead of volume, I’m going to focus on service. I’ll only deliver one letter at a time. Hand deliver, none of this automated crap. Again, for 33 cents. I haven’t figured it out 100% yet but I think it has some potential. I watched Junkyard Wars a week ago and I think I’m going to turn my Skylark into a Hovercraft. All the material is there; the only thing I need to finish the project is some 30 weight, 3.0 silk and some gauze. I watched this movie, Happiness, over the weekend. Wow, that’s one disturbing film! Everything in that movie falls under one category; too much information! I haven’t seen a new film in a while.
Man, the bus was bad again today! I was sitting behind the hump with one foot up and the other on the floor. I was so uncomfortable, I had to detach myself from my body. And that’s when it hit me! Bus heroin. It’s not exactly heroin, it’s just a mild sedative to make the bus more enjoyable. Is that anything? It needs a better name. How about Bus Lovables or Bus Friendlys? I wore my headphones from my front door to the office. It’s weird, kind of like your own soundtrack. Almost like you’re in a dream. Or maybe, like in They Live, the aliens have taken over and we’re all asleep. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday in Bob’s Diary I said, “Paula, Paula’s Notes, would say I’m like a library, I have issues.” That should say, Paula would say I’m like a magazine rack, I have issues. I misquoted Paula and I publicly apologize. OK, Paula, how was that? Paula? PAULA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Paula should have a new Paula Note up today so don’t forget to check it out. That’s it. Have a good day and if you find yourself in the downpour of life, may there be a bar close by to pass the time.

Friday night, Playstation. That’s all I did. Saturday, I woke up around 10:30 and started to play Playstation again. My friend, Jay, invited a bunch of us over to his place to watch Springsteen on HBO. I accepted and wondered what I would do between now and then to kill the time. I went back to bed, for four hours. That ruined my weekend. Too much sleep! I was never the same after that. Today, I feel like I’m back to normal. The Springsteen concert was great! He truly is The Boss.

I did the usual Sunday things, laundry and A & P. After that I went to the toy store to buy a game. I bought The Dukes of Hazzard, it’s a video game now! Needless to say, that was the rest of my Sunday. It has 18 levels and I’m already on 16. My friend, Tiffany, asked me to join her and her friends for dinner but I couldn’t stop playing this game. Pretty bad. I only stopped long enough to watch King of the Hill, The Simpsons and The Sopranos. I did manage to put a little time aside to work on my stand-up comedy act. Here it goes:

There are some people that seem like they really need a cell phone – Then there’s the type that really don’t need one. Middle-aged, overweight people, you know who you are, you don’t need a cell phone. You know you don’t have any friends. Seriously, what is so important that you have to put your devil dog down for and pick up that phone. What, is there a sale on Cracker Jacks?

There’s a new species among us – Not men, not women – Ugly people that drive convertibles. Where do they get the nerve? Don’t roll up on me looking like you just got beat with the ugly stick. Don’t you realize you’re on display? Put that top back up Grandma and go make me some cookies!

That’s it — I think my stand-up is getting better. I had a horrible ride on the bus this morning. The bus was hot, we were stuck in traffic and I was squeezed into this seat with no leg room. The only saving grace was the woman beside me. She was wearing a lovely skirt. So, every now and then when things got too tough, I’d sneak a peak at her legs. Then I thought, would this woman ever go out with me? And then I got angry. Paula, would say I’m like a library, I have issues. Speaking of Paula, she’s not keeping up with her notes. What up, Paula?

That’s it. Have a great day.

I don’t really have a lot to say today. Yesterday was a long day at work, two shows on Thursday. So, my day was work and home. I did forget to mention something the other day. I was walking through thePort Authority (bus station) and I noticed a blind man walking through the station and he was whistling. I just thought that was great. We all think we have problems and then you see something inspiring like that. I’m lucky to get through there with sight! It made me think.

Check out tonight’sLate Show, we have a 40-piece symphony joining Paul and the band. It was really neat. Looking back at my Diary’s this week I talked about music a lot. In keeping with that theme, my friend Lee, let me borrow Robert Plant’s Pictures at Eleven. I’m going to describe that CD in one word: sexy. I want to thank to my boss, Justin. He’s giving me his old Playstation. There’s only one catch; I have to be his maid for a year. You have to take the good with the bad I guess. I’m looking forward to this weekend. I’m going to a sick rave on Saturday. Just kidding. I want to sleep but I also want to walk around if this nice weather keeps up. There was some idiotic couple arguing on my street last night. They were going at it for about 30 minutes. It drove me crazy! I live on the other side of the tracks. Anyway, that reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from American cinema. In Purple Rain, Kid’s mom and dad got in a big fight, when The Kid confronted his dad. His dad just gave him a few words of wisdom, “Don’t ever get married.” And then he took a long drag on his cigarette. You’re asking yourself, “And the point of that story is?” I don’t know – it’s Friday. Time for Bob’s Friday Cliffhangers:

Will Bob meet the girl of his dreams?

Will Bob exercise this weekend?

Can Bob remember where he parked his car?

Will Bob meet the girl of his dreams?

Wait, I said that already!

Can Bob extend the life of his winter wardrobe by cutting the sleeves off of his shirts? I just had a great idea – corduroy shorts – anything?

Hey, when do we get that hour of daylight savings time back anyway? I’m still messed up because of that.

Will Bob purchase a low mileage car for under $1000?

Blah, Blah, Blah – That’s it! Have a great weekend.

I received some good information from some people yesterday. Barry, informed me that NBC plays SCTV at 1:30am, thanks for that info, I usually turn in around 11:30/12:00. And Joe wrote to me about Keith Richards. He told me about Keith Richards and the x-pensive winos’ live CD. I do have that and it’s great. It just kicks butt! When they get going on a groove, well, there’s nothing sweeter. I was listening to music on my Mini Disc last night and Nick Drake’s Pink Moon was in the mix — what a great song. That’s the song in the VW Cabrio ads. It’s about as perfect as a song gets. I was walking home, listening to that song and I just wanted to yell out, “Lord what do you have in store for me?!” That probably doesn’t make any sense, that’s just how I felt at that moment. After that, I bought a six pack of Bud and some Skittles. Mom, I only had one beer, I was just in the mood for one. I told myself that Monday I’d go back to my diet, but I failed. I’m pushing the date back to Sunday. I’m fine for breakfast, lunch and dinner; I just feel the need for something sweet in the evening. I’m really looking forward to this spring/summer. I plan on doing a lot of walking. I wrote on my message board yesterday that the sun was shining in my office. It felt so good! I just wanted to be outside at that point. It looks like it’s going to be a lovely day today as well. I found a cool site yesterday. It’s the police scanner in Jersey City, NJ. I think it’s neat. Continuing with my guest speaker series of a few weeks ago, here’s my boss, Eric:

“A fact about Bob-You can’t tell from visiting his web site-but he over does it on the Aqua Velva. It’s a joke around the office (behind his back)”

Ah, ha ha ha! Very funny Eric. OK, that seems like an odd statement and it’s totally untrue. People don’t talk about me behind my back, right? SFX: Cricket, cricket. OK, I think that’s enough for one day.

Have a good one.

Hello. I was watching NYPD Blue last night and a friend of mine was on, Sam Vance. I forgot that it was on, otherwise I would have told you about it yesterday. If you caught NYPD Blue, he was the tall, dark and handsome officer that brought the files in. On his way out he said to the detectives, “She’s all yours, fellas.” I laughed out loud! Sam has been out in LA for years and it looks like he’s getting a break. He has some more lines in an upcoming episode. I’ll let you know when that’s on, I promise. Anyway, congratulations Sam, good job! Before NYPD Blue, I watched a True Hollywood Story on John Candy.


I loved SCTV! I’d buy that right now if it were on DVD. I’m sick of these bio shows, enough! John Candy had a problem with over indulgence and they never let up on that point. It was just an hour of the same thing. They all follow the same pattern: success, failure, a family death/illness and then they either climb back to the top or they die a horrible death. Again, ENOUGH!!!!! Hollywood, are you listening? About a month ago I got something from my frequent flyer program saying that I have enough points for some magazines. I’m not sure how I got the points, but why ask why? I received free magazines before, it’s on the up an up. So, one magazine is a stupid biography magazine, the second is a game magazine — about video games and the last is a magazine about shopping. It’s for women! I just signed up for it because it was the only magazine with a hot woman on the cover. A magazine, with a model on the cover, called Lucky – you do the math. I did the math, so I thought. I have to see this magazine for the next six months! And a game magazine? What was I thinking? In this month’s edition apparently there’s trouble in Mario World! I’m 31; can anyone tell me when the stupid mistakes stop happening? My brother, George, would say, once a sucker, always a sucker.

You want to get a good record, pick up Keith Richards’Talk is Cheap. Man, that’s good stuff. Does anybody remember good rock n’ roll? Does anybody remember laughter? What a nice day today. AAAAAAAHHHH, Spring!!!!!!!! Have a good day.

Tell a friend about BobBorden.com.

Did you finish reading yesterday’s Diary entry yet? I went on and on, didn’t I? Well, I’m going to make up for it today. I had a busy day at work yesterday. I got a haircut at Supercuts last night. They do good work there. I got home and watchedThe Tao of Steve. People said I’d love it, but it just kind of laid there for me. It’s about a fat guy that does drugs and scores with women. And likes Steve McQueen! Sounds like my kind of movie but it just felt like a soap opera. I thought to myself, I’d rather just watch The Great Escape again.


The NCAA finals was on TV last night. I could never get into basketball. However, every time I tuned it in, there was a commercial on. There are two things that I’ve learned in my 31 years: Oh sweet Lord, I’m 31 years old, how did that happen? Anyway, back to my two truths: 1. Everything’s for sale and 2. There’s no such thing as a reality show. The first truth is obvious and the second refers to Survivor and shows like that. How real can you be with a camera in your face? Who cares! I’m not buying it, corporate America, do you hear me? It just makes me angry, AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Internet Acting, thank you.

Good news about my rent, they’re only going to raise it by 3%. So, I don’t have to move. I liked thinking about where I would end up. I may look at some places this weekend, just to see what’s out there. I hate renting. That’s it for today, short and sweet. Have a good day. In the words of Midnight OilHow can we dance when our earth is turning? How do we sleep while our beds are burning?Think about it.