Hello. I haven’t checked my ‘hits’ for BobBorden.com in a long time. I guess I could check it myself but I like to meet and greet the fine people checking out my website. If you wouldn’t mind, drop me a note on my horrible, pop up riddled message board. Just say Hi. And no, it’s not a contest. I’m just curious to see how many unique hits I get on an average day.

Speaking of my message board. If you’ve read my message board I’m sure you’ve seen the numerous posts of an English gentleman that goes by the name of Carl. Well, Carl came by the show last night to say hello to another staffer, Tim Mann.

Tim Mann

(file photo)

Tim has been showing Carl and his friend Simon around for about a week. Actually, they’ve been enjoying their fair share of
pints, ha ha. I met Carl and his friend Simon. They were good people. Carl even invited me out for a drink but I had to decline.

Back, L to R: Carl, Bob

Front: Simon

It was
nice to meet you guys. Sorry I didn’t want to go out, I had a busy day and was tired.

I got home last night and watched Junkyard Wars. It was the only thing on at nine o’clock. I’m cutting it really short today, as I have nothing else to say.

That’s it. God Bless America.

Today is all about getting over the hump! I rode the bus home last night with my friend Tiffany. Two people, exhausted from working all day trying to have a conversation, that’s always fun, ha ha.

I don’t know what the heck to talk about today. I’ve been writing this diary since October of 2000. There have been some real stinky diaries since BobBorden.com’s debut. I’m not ashamed to admit that, that’s just the way it goes sometimes.

I did do something fun last night. I put in a great videotape that I borrowed from the show. Telly Savalas’ The ABC’s of Winning Blackjack.

Bob picked up some Blackjack
tips from Telly Savalas


What a great tape! I learned a lot more about the game. Telly’s a great teacher — Here’s what I learned from the tape:

Telly’s 10 Commandments

1. Keep Your Emotions Under Control
2. Expect To Win
3. Don’t Even Think Blackjack If You’re Under The Weather
4. Focus On The Dealer
5. Drink At The Bar Not At The Table
6. Be Comfortable
7. Know How Much To Lose and How Much To Win
8. Use Rent Money To Pay The Rent
9. Know How To Bet
10. Remember The Other Nine (Commandments)

What a great video! Telly’s Ten Commandments are in the video, cool! I also watched the rest of A Hard Day’s Night. I liked it but didn’t love it. I enjoyed it more for the historical significance. Now, I’m going to sell it, ha ha.

That’s it for me. Have a great day. God Bless America

Hello. I got home last night and watched Monster Garage on Discovery. I like watching shows about cars. But they do this stupid challenge at the end. It just seems very forced, very phony. I feel the same way about TLC’s While You Were Out. The show sends away one family member, usually to a spa, while the other relative redecorates a room. They do these stupid multiple-choice challenges where you can win something for the room. Totally messes up the flow of the show. Junkyard Wars isn’t that appealing to me this season. The host/producer left to do another show and it’s just missing something. And it’s filmed outside and has a washed out look to it. I love TV.

You know what I’m sick of? I’m so sick of these politicians and their sweetheart deals for the special interest! Man, that breaks my hump! Come Election Day, that’s number one on my list – that and no more telemarketers. I got home last night and I had three messages on my machine. I was feeling pretty good. I enjoyed my newly self-proclaimed title of Mr. Popular. Mr. Popular didn’t check the machine right away. Let them wait until I’m ready to respond to them. Turned out that every call was an automated message trying to sell me some crap I don’t need. Telemarketers are just doing their job but I ain’t buying! Do you hear me telemarketers?!

When I was walking back from Walter’s house on Sunday I looked down the street and I could see it coming: There’s a guy with a coffee cup begging for some coin. I hate this situation. Early on, when I had some spare change, I’d hook someone up. But now, I leave that to the tourists. I’d like to help everybody but I simply can’t. I must look like a sucker, these guys always ask me for something.

Does this look like

the face of a sucker?
Getting back to the guy, this guy has a different approach. He said, “How are you doing?” I thought to myself, this guy cares how I’m doing, how nice. Then he says, “Hey Big Man, help a brother out.” Big Man! Is this the way to panhandle? He had me at ‘How are you doing’ but lost me with ‘Big Man.’ I am a big man but I don’t like to be reminded of that all the time. I kept walking. Big Man! Why don’t the homeless give me the respect I deserve?! Ha ha. I got off track today, not sure how that happened.

That’s it! God Bless America.

Another weekend has come and gone — nothing but mere memories of good times and pleasant relaxation. It all started off:

Friday night, I picked up some Mexican food, cracked myself open a beer and then the film, The King of Comedy came on. What a perfect evening. I forgot how great that movie is.

Saturday, I woke up and drove to the old big and tall store to buy some new clothes. What the hell ever happened to cargo pants?! For two years straight, nothing but cargo pants, now, nothing. I liked those! Very comfortable and they’re appropriate office wear, at least in my office. Anyway, I found some good stuff and I’m a little better prepared for Fall now. After that, I drove to Nutley to do my laundry. That’s always fun.

Saturday night, I had plans to have dinner with my friend Tiffany. The plan was to do something fun/different. Nothing says fun/different like lobster. We went to the fish store and picked up some lobsters, four to be exact. I know what you’re saying, “damn, that’s a lot of lobster!” but they were small. They only had one big one and we thought the smaller ones might be better. We also picked up some mussels.

Bob gets ready to cook

up a lobster

Damn,
we had fun cooking that stuff up. Tiffany was going to steam the mussels but I saw Wolfgang Puck sauté them once. If it’s good enough for Puck, it should be good enough for us. Damn, they were sooooo good.

Tiffany with the finished

product

I ate two lobsters and some
mussels – great stuff.

Sunday, I cleaned my apartment. Then, I went into the city to play some PS2 with my friend Walter. We got some dinner and played Stuntman and Tony Hawk 3. Damn good games!

Stuntman is hard but fun


What a great weekend! That’s it!
Have a great day. God Bless America.

Today’s Diary Word of the Day is: Damn. Go back and count how many times I said the word, ‘Damn’ — go on, it’s fun!

I like Friday! There, I said it. Holy crap, did you see the tightrope walker, Philippe Petit, on Late Show last night? The guy was 14 stories high, walked over Broadway, using nothing but a rope and a stick. I was impressed. I watched it from the 14th floor. I honestly think people are nuts. He did it in the rain too! That was something. Good for him.

I was getting soaked walking home last night, and then it hit me. I put a plastic garbage bag in my book bag after the last big storm. Let me tell you, that’s the
smartest thing I’ve done in a long time. I was soaked but my bag stayed dry.

Bob used a garbage bag
to keep his bag dry
Consider that a household hint from BobBorden.com.


It’s another crap day today — rain, fog, very unpleasant. I was walking to the bus stop this morning. I was across the street when the bus pulled up. At that point, you really have to get your butt across the street or you’ll miss the bus. A car drove by and I had a space to walk across the street. I made my move but this Fu**ing van kept coming. Then the guy made a motion for me to stay back while he passed. The pedestrian has the right of way! He passed and I yelled, “THANK YOU!” He yelled back, “You’re welcome.” Without even thinking about it, I flipped him the bird, to the back of his van. I was pissed! What an asshole!

 

Bob: More animal than man
 
I have the right of way, it’s raining, the bus is at the stop but this guy couldn’t stop? People suck. I’m glad that it ended after I gave him the finger — The last time I got in a fight, I blacked out. When I came to, they were taking the guy away on a stretcher. Crazy world.OK, that’s it for me today. Have a great weekend! God Bless America.

Hello! I feel pretty good today, not really sure why. So, I’m riding home on the bus last night. The second stop, I have to get up because the woman next to me (a cute redhead actually) has to get off the bus. I get up and move to an empty seat up front, a seat that was occupied by an older gentleman – he got off at that stop too. I start to sit down, I looked over and there was an umbrella hanging off the side of the seat. “Hey” I said to myself, “that guy left his umbrella on the bus!” I didn’t have time to think, only react. I grabbed the umbrella, got off the bus and asked the man if this was his umbrella. “Nope, that’s not mine.” He said. The bus pulls away. The cute red head says, “Looks like you have a new umbrella.” I put my head down and said, “Alright.” I live on the other side of Hoboken. When you make an ass out of yourself, it’s always nice to walk it off, ha ha. I wonder whose umbrella it was?

(File photo)
not the actual umbrella

I don’t want to say anything bad about the homeless. But I have to get this out of my system — I “ran” into the same homeless person the last two nights in the Port Authority. Both nights, the smell was the same, unbelievable — Olfactory sensory overload. I’m not making fun, not at all. It’s too bad people live like that. I got on the subway a few weeks ago. It was rush hour; the car was packed, except for where I was standing. I was very close to a homeless man and the smell almost made me vomit. I had to get off the train at the next stop. I don’t know why I wrote that down? It just made me think what a crazy world this is sometimes.

Time for a new segment to BobBorden.com, I call it: Sarcastic Paragraph. Here we go – When the media talks about The Sopranos, would it be possible to say the phrase, “Fuhgeddaboudit” a little more? I love it when writers do that, it’s so funny and original. Thank you, that was Sarcastic Paragraph.

I should have more today but I don’t. Did you see my Security Advisory from yesterday? I’d like to pat myself on the back for my fine graphic work. I used the real Homeland Security chart as a reference. I have larceny in my blood. I’m still trying to break into my high school’s computer to change my grades. Damn Wargames and its unrealistic scenarios!

OK, Have a great day. God Bless America.

Hello. I got a haircut last night. Yep, SuperCuts. I don’t have time to set up a relationship with a new barber. I’ve said this before; I don’t like telling my life story every time I need a trim. The one good thing about SuperCuts, I’m in and I’m out. No small talk. They do a volume business.

I was in the record store last night. The new Beck CD was playing. They were playing a sad song from the CD and I was in a happy mood. I had the CD in my hands and then my eyes wondered. I ended up buying The Beatles‘ A Hard Day’s Night on DVD. I didn’t get to watch it but I’m looking forward to it. I’ve never seen it.

I did manage to watch the season premiere of NYPD Blue. A friend of mine from Steubenville, Sam Vance, was on. He’s been on there before. Pretty cool.

I know this guy

(bad photo)

He had some lines too.
Great job Sam!

The Homeland Security Advisory System down graded its status from High to Elevated yesterday. That got me to thinking – Maybe I should do my part to pitch in? I think BobBorden.com needs an Advisory System. I did a lot of research and a lot of number crunching yesterday. According to my findings, our status should still be High. To help track this, I made up this handy chart:

BobBorden.com now tracks

Homeland Security

Anything I can do to help. That’s it for me. Have a great day. God Bless America.

Yo. This past weekend and last night, no matter what’s on TV, I always seem to end up watching The Wash — Starring Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre. It’s not very good but I enjoy it. There’s something very entertaining about watching Snoop Dogg. Put Snoop with the right project and then you’ll have something.

Snoop Dogg in

The Wash

I won the Canadian football pool at work yesterday. Hello $6 – The Canadian pool hasn’t really caught on yet but you have to be in it to win it! I bought a $5 scratch off ticket and a lotto ticket. Hello easy street, goodbye poorhouse. I lost on the scratch off ticket, damn.

I need a haircut. I don’t really need one but it’s starting to grow over my ears. I hate that. I can’t do SuperCuts again. I think I may go to a real barber, old school. Hey, the new Beck CD is out today. Rolling Stone gave it 5 stars; I may have to go to the record store tonight.

Speaking of music, I picked up some ‘new to me music’ this past weekend. I bought Outkast’s Stankonia and Roxy Music’s Siren. I really like Roxy Music. I happened upon an old review and that made me want to broaden my musical horizons. I like Outkast a lot but I got the CD mostly because I like to say “Stankonia” Come on, say it, it’s fun – STANKONIA!

OK, that’s about it. Have a great day. God Bless America.