Got home last night and I turned on the tube. That’s it. Now, I have to write about it. Nothing happened to me on the bus or on the walk home, nothing. And I just spent the last half hour in Photoshop, making a photo and then my computer crashed. Now where’s my inspiration, where?! Sometimes, I just don’t know. I guess I could talk about the annual staff photo but what is there to tell? You stand for the photo, they take the photo and that’s it. I took a photo of the photo but it’s just people standing there waiting for the photo to be taken.

My boss, Justin, brought in his Gameboy Advance yesterday. I played it for about ten minutes and wow, that’s a pretty cool little game. It’s like a palm sized video game system. Well, that’s exactly what it is. Damn, I have to get one of those. I didn’t get an x-box or a PS-2. Maybe this will be an inexpensive way for me to play games. I was thinking about getting a cell phone with games but this Gameboy thing is soooooo much better. I could ride the bus but instead of sitting there, I could play Ms. Pac-Man. I remember a time when I had a regular Playstation and I was on the brink of technology. Somewhere along the way, I got left behind. I’m glad I’m out, I couldn’t afford to keep up these days. Is anyone still reading this? Let me know on my message board.

When I came back from the A & P on Sunday, I did something different. I put the Diet Sprite cans in my fridge, upside down.

I thought to myself, you’ve been putting them right-side up for all these years and where’s that got you? I didn’t have a good answer. I took one out last night and you know what, I think it was colder. Isn’t that crazy?

You know, I’ve been doing this for quite some time, they can’t all be winners. Remember last Thursday’s diary? Wow, that was something. OK, that’s it.

God Bless America.

Hi. My weekend started off Friday night with a lovely dinner. The plan was to meet up with my friend, Tiffany, around 7 — that was the plan. 7:30 came and went. Around 8, I got the call that she was running late, no s**t, ha ha. We had dinner around 9. I was so hungry, I couldn’t complete a thought. I enjoyed some lamb curry, mmmmmmmm. I’m not sure what Tiffany had. Good food, great conversation — it’s always nice to hang out with a good friend.

Saturday, I woke up late. As promised, it was a gray and rainy day. I looked out the window and said to myself, you’re not going anywhere. I put in the newly purchased Jackie Brown DVD and before I knew it, it was time for dinner.

I had some Mexican food for dinner. That was the only time I left my apartment on Saturday. After dinner, I put in Pulp Fiction and watched all the extra features. I started to watch the movie but 10 minutes into it, I remembered, I watched it on VHS less than a month ago. Foiled again! I saw Pulp Fiction in the theater back in 94. I must have been home for Christmas break or something. I remember driving up to Pittsburgh to see it. I saw it about 5 times. I liked Jackie Brown too but that film grew on me over time. About a year ago, I was so desperate to see it again, I bought the Hong Kong version on the Internet.

I guess to move the film over there, the renamed it ‘Dangerous Liaisons‘ — odd. It fixed my Jackie Brown fix but it left me feeling dirty afterwards. You know, buying a bootleg. I felt like I was on the fringe of society.

Sunday, I woke up early. I had to make up for a bad Saturday. I got in the car and drove to Nutley to do my laundry. I’m not sure how that made up for a bad Saturday but at least I left the house, ha ha. It was just good to get the old girl out on the road. I was going to go shopping but then I thought, if you go shopping, you’re going to spend money. You see, I don’t have money, so that wouldn’t be a good thing. I went to the A & P instead. In the checkout the girl in front of me kept explaining her purchases to the cashier. She said something like, “These pears are 6 for $1.50* but I’m only taking 4 because that’s all I can eat.” That just said everything I needed to know about this woman — high maintenance. She was hot but a woman like that would drive a man crazy. She didn’t even bag her groceries! At this A & P, they don’t have a bag boy/girl. So, the cashier, has to ring everything up, then bag it and then hand it to the girl! While I wait. What can you do. I bag my own groceries, I don’t keep the person behind me waiting!

And now a new feature to BobBorden.com. It’s called, BobBorden.com’s footnotes — If you’ll look at the last paragraph, you’ll notice that when I quoted the ‘customer at the A & P,’ there was a footnote by the price for pears. That footnote, was put there because I didn’t remember the exact price for pears. That was BobBorden.com’s footnotes — always striving to give you the truth, in overheard conversations.

I’m going to end today’s diary with another new feature to BobBorden.com — I call it, BobBorden’s best Instant Message of the day. During the day on Friday, I was happy to receive this instant message from my friend Jay:

Jay: Want my Frosty? Don’t have room for it.

I had the Frosty in my hands 20 seconds later. That was BobBorden’s best Instant Message of the day, Damn, that Frosty was good!

There’s a new section to my ‘stuff’ section. If you like Trading Spaces or Vern Yip, you have to check it out. In my ‘stuff’ section, look for Bob’s Autograph Collection.

That’s it. God Bless America.

Friday. I’m glad it’s Friday. But I have to say, my Thursday wasn’t too shabby. I’m sitting at work, working. I check my e-mail and I get a nice letter from a girl that was checking out my website. Turns out, she lives in Hoboken. A few e-mails and a few instant messages later, we agreed to meet up for a drink. How cool is that? This is one of the reasons I started this website in the first place, to pick up chicks! That was a joke, sort of.

So, Lauren and I met up. I really had a great time. She was attractive, funny and a good person. We were there for a while and then I ran into my friends, Dave and Deirdre. I haven’t seen them in a long time. Savvy BobBorden.com readers will remember their names from my 1-08-01 diary. The first time I met them, I threw up on myself/passed out in their apartment. Man, that’s hard to live down. We had a nice chat, they’re good people! I’m still sorry about “the incident.”

The host of the bar told Lauren and I that Dave and Deirdre were waiting on our table. How’s that for a coincidence? So, we called it a night. I really enjoy my life sometimes.

I get home, turn on the computer and the second incredible event of the day happened. I can’t give anything away but a TV show sent me an e-mail asking me if they could use one on my rap dolls (in my ‘stuff’ section) for an upcoming segment. Isn’t that incredible!? They just found my site by doing a search. Wow. I’ll have more about that when I can say more.

There was one more great thing that happened yesterday. I’m a big fan of Trading Spaces. So is my boss, Eric. For Eric’s birthday, I sent away for an autographed photo of designer, Vern Yip. His birthday came and went. Months later (yesterday) I look at the mail on my desk and see a letter fromVern Yip! It finally came! I’m going to scan it later today but won’t have it up until probably Monday. Very cool!

What a great way to end a week! There is nothing I can say now to even come close to those three stories. I met a very lovely girl, someone is interested in my rap dolls and I have Vern Yip’s autograph. I better play the lottery tonight. I’m cutting it short today. That’s all I got. I’m exhausted.

God Bless America.

Hello. I saw a new one last night. On the bus, this woman was talking on her cell phone but she had her hand covering her mouth. Then, she made a few more calls, without covering her mouth. I thought to myself, hey sweets, no one gives a s**t either way! I wish I could just say what I feel sometimes.

I’ve been looking around for a new cell phone plan. I picked up my phone after 9/11. I picked up the basic phone but now my needs have changed. I’m only interested in a phone that plays games and a phone that plays silly songs. Minutes, roaming? I don’t care, just bring on Ms. Pac-Man. I love Ms. Pac-Man. The people that came up with that game were just genius. “I have a new, fresh idea, let’s take Pac-Man and put a bow on him.” I’m sure that must have been said at some point. I’m going to type “Ms. Pac-Man” into a search engine, just to see what comes up — be right back.

I’m back. Well, that wasn’t as interesting as I thought.

Thanks to everyone for reminding me to buy dishwashing liquid last night. I even wrote “dish liquid” on my hand to help me remember.

to buy dishwashing liquid
It’s the little things. I’m not brand loyal when it comes to dishwashing liquid. I like to experiment. You know, come to think of it — I think I’ve talked about this subject before. How sad is that?! I forgot the philosopher’s name but some philosopher once said, everything has already been written. Well, I just proved that, I think. I was never very good at philosophy.

I was flipping the old TV around last night and I saw a quick shot of a bath tub with an integrated TV. It was all one unit. Man, that’s the dream right there! The future is now. The show is called Fresh Gear, let me try and find that photo.

We all saw that photo coming down Broadway, didn’t we? Why isn’t there any water in my dream tub? And why am I wearing clothes in my dream tub? My dreams suck!

That’s it for today. Have a good one. God Bless America.

Hello. I’m going to start off the old diary by telling you what I did last night. I got a haircut. I got off the bus, wasn’t sweating and said to myself, what the hell. Once again, Super Cuts gave me a super cut, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. The only strange thing that happened was the woman kept coughing. To the point that she had to step away to compose herself. I felt kind of bad because I kept telling her to hurry up, time is money sweets. That last sentence was only a joke, let me try it again: I felt a little bad but she pulled herself together. Better. I thought to myself, I’m glad she doesn’t work in food service.

A lot of controversy on my board yesterday about my Hollywood Gossip story. It’s always nice to hear from Ralph Macchio. I hope the parties involved don’t hold any grudge towards me for reporting the story. Just know that BobBorden.com doesn’t shy away from hard news. Sounds like a controversy straight out of grade school.

I love the after the haircut shower. Damn, that’s a good feeling.

When I was flying out to LA, I had a quick layover in Chicago (thanks a lot Priceline.com!) and I ended up in the bookstore. After reading the book covers and trying not to look like a total idiot. (The last book I read was The Dirt by Motley Crue.) I bought a book for the sole reason that it won the Pulitzer. So, to the well-read BobBorden.com viewer I ask this: Is Empire Falls by Richard Russo any good? Please let me know on my message board. I started to read it on the plane but some punk kid put his seat back and that was the end of reading.

Let me know on my message board
I think that may be it today. Can someone do me a favor? Around 6:30pm today, please e-mail me to remind me to buy dishwashing liquid. For the past three nights, I keep forgetting to pick some up. I need it too, I have a sink full of dishes. I cooked some fish for myself on Sunday. If you happen to think about it, I wouldn’t mind a reminder: send me an e-mail. Thanks.

That’s it. God Bless America.

Hello. This humidity is too much. I was going to get a haircut last night but had to call it off because I was sweating so much. I toyed around with the idea of getting a shampoo first so the hair stylist wouldn’t be repulsed by my sweat. But by the time that thought process circled around my mind I wasn’t in the mood anymore. I really can complicate the simplest things sometimes.

I woke up to rain this morning, that cooled things off, at least for the commute in. I was riding the escalator in the bus station and I couldn’t believe my eyes. The guy in front of me was bald, not a big deal. But upon further investigation, the back third of his head was sprayed black. It was absolutely incredible. He was bald, I don’t know why anyone would do that? It boggles the mind.

First day of work after two weeks off was an adjustment. I felt like I was in a haze all day yesterday. My routine was thrown off by the sweet seductress I like to call, Lady Hollywood. I don’t know what that means, I just like to say “sweet seductress.”

The new Springsteen CD is really good. Very sad subject matter but it’s very tastefully done. I have to be honest, sometimes I forget about 9/11. I was walking to the subway last night and a tourist asked me where Ground Zero was. I thought to myself afterwards, oh yeah, Ground Zero. That should be something on my mind everyday, do you know what I mean? I’m not sure what my point is? I just felt a little guilty at that moment.

I was going to ride my bike last night but the humidity was a real deterrent. I couldn’t even get a haircut! How the hell am I going to ride a bike!?

I forgot to say thanks to everyone that kept my message board interesting while I was away. I swear, there’s more activity on that thing than when I’m here. Also, congratulations to Mark Nelson on the birth of his daughter, Rivers Kathleen Nelson. Good news.

I’m going to end today’s diary with a new feature to BobBorden.com, I call it:

Hollywood Gossip: The Damon, Trevor, Jeff and The Girl Files —

Hollywood, Friday 3:30pm: Damon travels back to Boston last weekend for a wedding. At the same time, Damon’s ex girlfriend travels to LA but not to visit him, she came to LA to visit his roommate, Trevor. Trevor has been talking to the girl behind Damon’s back. In fact, at the same time Damon’s flight departed, her flight was arriving — Trevor didn’t even drive Damon to the airport!
Flashback to a few weeks ago; Jeff took Trevor to a concert in Las Vegas, Jeff paid for everything and they agreed, the next concert, Trevor picks up the tab. Jeff mentions to Trevor that he’d like to go to the Dixie Chicks concert. Trevor never mentions anything about it. When Jeff brings it up again, Trevor says they were sold out.
Hollywood, Saturday 12am: Trevor, the girl and Jeff go out to a club that night. Jeff and the girl step outside for a second to get some fresh air. After some friendly conversation between the two, it turns out that The Girl and Trevor are going to the Dixie Chicks concert the next night!

Wow! Let’s review: Trevor goes out with Damon’s ex girlfriend — without Damon’s knowledge, doesn’t even drive his friend to the airport, accepts an invitation to a concert from Jeff and then repays Jeff by lying to him. I don’t know who’s to blame here? I’m not one to pass judgment, that’s why you’re here. Today’s question of the day on my message board is this: What kind of person is Trevor? I want to hear from everybody today.

That’s it! Have a great day. God Bless America.

Welcome back! It’s strange coming back to the old diary after two long weeks. In the two years I’ve been doing this site, this is the first vacation that may actually qualify as a vacation. Usually, I drive back to Ohio and spend time with the family.

I did drive back to Ohio but only long enough to kiss my Mom on the cheek and to drop off my cats, ha ha. Thanks Mom!

From there, I was on a plane to Hollywood — Hollywood, California! I have a good friend out there, Jeff.

Sweet Lord, either I’m getting bigger or the planes are getting smaller! There has to be a better way to arrange people. Anyway, we were getting ready to take off and the seat next to me was still empty. That’s like solid gold to me because I can stretch my legs out. Seconds before they close the door, I look up and here come some kids. Two brothers. Kids are fine with me because I can still steal some precious leg room, not a problem. The kids aren’t sitting together, you’re not going to believe what happened next, this woman sitting next to the other kid offered up her seat so the kids could sit together. Great for the kids but now I have to shoehorn my large butt into the seat because the “nice” woman was equally as large. I hope the kids were comfortable, heaven forbid that they’d have to sit apart for 3 and a half hours! That may have been her good deed for the day but all I could think about was that I lost all feeling in my ass somewhere around Nebraska. Thank you!

My first Sunday in LA found me on a golf course. I’m not good at sports, I was in the band in high school. Having said that; Jeff, Damon, Trevor and myself hit the course. I was slow to start and I didn’t get much better. To the point that these assholes behind us called the “golf police.” The “golf police” said we (Me) had to step it up. I’m bad but I wasn’t holding up anything. The people ahead of us were taking their good old time and it made us look bad. It was all down hill from there. Trevor won the game, Jeff won some money and Damon threw a partially filled can of beer at me. I’m still not sure why. I made some new Hollywood friends and found a new hatred for the game of golf.

We went to a Karaoke bar the next night. I love those places. This bar was great because there was only a handful of people in there. I sang my signature song, Welcome to the Jungle. They’re still talking about it.

I saw three movies:
1. Signs. Very, very good.
2. The Kid Stays in the Picture. I really enjoyed this film. Very entertaining.
3. XXX. Wow, not very good at all. Hollywood owes me nine dollars.

I went to a Dodger game. Jeff’s buddy Patrick hooked us up with great seats — ten rows back from the 3rd base line. Special thanks to Patrick — Thank you! Jeff, Jeff, Patrick and yours truly enjoyed some great food and a great game. I made a mistake that night that would haunt me for the next two days. While enjoying the game, I ate a huge bag of peanuts on an empty stomach.Oh my, not a smart move. That was a whole new kind of pain. Live and learn. The Dodgers beat Pittsburgh — can’t remember the score.

my shirt off in public since 1983
I enjoyed eating In-n-Out Burger and Fat Burger, mmmmmmmm. Jeff and I went to the beach in Santa Monica. It was overcast that day, the water was cold but we went in anyway. I had so much fun!

On my last night, Jeff surprised me with a lovely dinner at Asia de Cuba, you know, right next to Sky Bar on the Sunset Strip. Incredible food, Incredible night. Special thanks to Jeff for a great vacation! Thank you.

And now a new feature to BobBorden.com – I call it,

Bob Borden’s Celebrity Sightings:

Guess what famous actor was seen entering Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant wearing a hat and sunglasses? That’s right, Dodge spokesman, Edward Herrmann. Hey Edward, what’s with the shades?

It turns out that I’m not the only one that likes movies. Guess who was spotted at The Kid Stays in the Picture? That’s right, he played Luke Perry’s step-dad, Tony Marchette on 90210, I’m talking about Stanley Kamel. Nice running into you Stanley, good luck with Monk.

Asia de Cuba was the place to be last week. My head was spinning with all the celebrity action. Who’s that walking by our table? None other than Frank Stallone. What’s the matter Frank, too busy to say hi? I’m not positive but I think I sat in front of actor Doug E Doug. Hey, Doug, enough with the camera already, those flashes were giving me vertigo! Is that who I think it is? That’s right, NYPD Blue’s sexist Lieutenant, Esai Morales. I enjoyed your work on La Bamba.

And that’s Bob Borden’s Celebrity Sightings.Those were all true by the way.

That’s it. I’ll have more stories this week as I remember them. I’m back, we’re back. God Bless America.

Hello. First up, a program note: This is the last diary until August 19. I know that seems like a long time but I like to think of it as only two weeks. I was pulled aside at work yesterday and was told that I need to take some time for myself. So, that’s what I’m going to do. It’s strange, they kept saying I should vacation at a place called “Rehab.” I’m not really sure where that is but it’s time off nonetheless. (That was just a joke, sorry Mom)

I watched the E! True Hollywood Story on Family Feud last night. My social life has hit an all time low. Watching a TV show about the “behind the scenes” at Family Feud is a sign. I thought to myself, you must have something better to do. Turns out, I didn’t. Time to jump-start my life!

You know what I did yesterday? I wrote a letter to Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue. I’ve been a huge fan since grade school. I was sitting at my desk and I just said to myself, I’m going to write a letter to Nikki Sixx. I’m hoping he writes back, that would be awesome! Rock ‘n Roll FOREVER!

Good Lord, did you know that Richard Dawson married one of the Family Feud contestants? Wow. I love Hollywood. And I’m glad I watched that Family Feud show after all.

OK, that’s about all I have. While I’m gone, please feel free to catch up with ‘all things Bob’ in my diary archives section. Also, in my links section, checkout Zach’s website and Rick’s website. Very entertaining.

(Why must Pickle Joe hate so much, why?!)