Hello. You know Priceline.com is great but heaven forbid you enter $10 a day for a rental car! Please forgive me, I’m not a millionaire! I didn’t realize how hard it was to book a Geo Metro! Count to ten, center yourself and breath. That didn’t work! I just want to rent a car, I don’t want to buy the damn thing! Am I losing my mind? Have I gone insane?! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Internet Acting, thank you, thank you very much.

I watched the Andy Griffith Show last night. Opie got up the guts to ask this girl out. She said yes, then was asked out by the cool kid. She calls up Opie and cancels on him. The poor kid! You know it’s very hard when you’re growing up. People have feelings. Opie has feelings! Thank goodness for Andy, he helped Opie out. He suggested that Opie go to the dance alone. He did and had a great time. And the girl realized what a horrible thing she did to Opie. It turns out, that the cool kid ditched her. Opie and the girl ended up talking and having a great time. I’m glad it worked out.

OK, back to reality. Sweet Lord it’s hot. It’s hot and sticky and sticky and hot and hot and hot and sticky. Nothing like waking up in a pool of your own sweat. I’m not sure if this is the right time but I’d like to remind the female readers of BobBorden.com that I’m single.

I picked up the new Springsteen CD last night. I’m going to listen to it when I have a large amount of free time. So, I’ll be listening to it today at work. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. That was just a joke.

The free time I did have last night, I used to tweak my Photoshop skills. After an hour of work, I came up with this gem:

It’s Pickle Joe riding a horse! Come on, give it up, that’s funny! Pickle Joe has an attitude! I love my life. Sitting in my apartment, in my underwear, making up stuff.

I don’t know if you noticed my Photo of the Day yesterday. It was a photo of a nectarine. That bite mark is from me. That’s the first nectarine I’ve ever had. And I have it on film. I like the thought of that.

That’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

Hello. My Jury Duty worries are over. I called up last night and they don’t need me. That’s a load off the old mind. I’m 32, have no girlfriend or any kind of responsibility and I’m going to judge the fate of another man? Probably best I wasn’t called. To be honest, I was secretly hoping I’d have to go. I was looking forward to getting home at a decent hour and living like a regular person. I even bought food. I was looking forward to cooking up a chicken burger. Not sure what a chicken burger is but I bought them anyway.

I can’t believe the number of animals that have washed ashore in the last two weeks. Whales and squid are getting their butts kicked right now. And with that statement, an idea was born!

I have these chicken burgers in the fridge, they’re going to go bad — why not turn lemons into lemonade?!

I made the time last night and made up some new characters, Chicken Larry and Pickle Joe. Let’s put both ideas, animals washing ashore and my leftovers, together in a cartoon, BobBorden.com proudly presents: Leftover Theater:

Chicken Larry and Pickle Joe

comment on the events of the day
Makes you think doesn’t it? Hello? I like making photos in Photoshop!I was in the store last night buying some crap that’s no good for me and this woman walked past. Nothing unusual about that but a few seconds later I was overcome with the scent of CK one! It was like a wave of nasty perfume crashed all around me. Who’s still wearing CK one?! I thought that went the way of grunge bands and poetry slams. So nasty.

Speaking of nasty — there was a little trouble in the bus line this morning. This guy cuts the line, sort of. He stood behind everyone else. A few seconds past and this woman said to the guy, “Ah, the end of the line is over here.” The guy said, “Thanks but I’ll wait over here.” Whew, those were some tense moments. If you factor in the heat, it really could have gotten ugly. I saw the guy too but I said to myself, in the grand scheme of things, does this really affect me? The answer was, it didn’t. I did enjoy seeing that woman get her panties in a bunch. My theory of the human race is intact; people are stupid. Another example of that theory; Leftover Theater. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hacryforhelphahahahahahahaha.

Looking forward to buying the new Bruce Springsteen CD tonight. The Boss is back! And that my friends is it! Have a great day. TOO HOT TO SLEEP! God Bless America.

Friday, I went to the movies with my friend, Jay. We saw Austin Powers 3. I saw Austin Powers 2 a few years back, it was really bad! I’m not sure why I went to #3 but I was happily surprised. It was really very entertaining. And isn’t that why we go to the moves in the first place, to be entertained? Am I right people?

Saturday, I got up around 12. I was listening to music on my headphones and just couldn’t get up. That’s a nice feeling. I did my laundry after that. I had a salad and some pizza for dinner, mmmmmmm. I watched Buffalo ’66 Saturday night. Damn, that’s a good film!

Sunday I went to the A & P and bought some nectarines. I’ve never had a nectarine before. They just looked so good that I had to buy some. I doubt I’ll ever eat them. After the store, I just crashed.

I called the jury duty people and I don’t have to go! I have to check the machine Monday night to see if I have to go Tuesday. That’s kind of frustrating. Oh well. You know there’s a show on HGTV called Spectacular Pools?! And what’s even odder than that, I’m watching it! I love TV and I hate it. Just kidding TV, I love you!

Did you see the story from California about the hundreds of squid washing up on shore?

SAN DIEGO (AP) – Thousands of jumbo flying squid measuring up to 2 feet long have washed ashore at a La Jolla beach, surprising scientists and swimmers. Workers on Friday removed 12 tons of dead and dying squid stranded at La Jolla Cove.

Time to go. That’s it! God Bless America.

Hello. Friday! I’m working for the weekend. I work hard and I play even harder! I don’t have anything going on. How about that weather? So, I get home last night and I have to be honest, I really didn’t want to be alone. I’m a loner by nature, but every now and then it just kind of stinks. I probably should have gone out after work but I didn’t want to hangout at a bar.

I’m happy to report, that instead of feeling sorry for myself, I picked up the old phone and invited an old friend over:

As luck would have it, Giant Squid’s date fell through and he wasn’t doing anything either. We watched Becker and drank Coors Light all night. Damn, you get a beer in him and he’ll tell you anything. He kept going on and on about what a punk the Lock Ness Monster is. Nessy this and Nessy that. Enough already! Anyway, we had a great time hanging out and are going to get together again real soon.

Sat in front of annoying cell phone guy on the bus this morning. Just one of “those guys” that thinks he’s sooooooooo funny and clever. The worst! I just closed my eyes and detached myself from the situation.

They don’t need my help promoting their CD but there’s something nice about the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ CD, By the Way.

That’s all for today. Honestly, my goal for today’s diary was putting up the photo of Giant Squid and myself. I love that after 7 years in this part of the world, I’m still making friends. Very nice. Have a great weekend. God Bless America.

Hello. I’m finding out about a lot of cool things this week because I’m trying something new, reading. Specifically, in the world of science. First, there was the walking fish from Asia. Second, a giant squid with an unusual muscle growth was found washed up on an Australian beach, it weighed 550-pounds! — it wasn’t a new species but still.

Third, in Central Park, of all places — a new species of poisonous predator — a tiny centipedethat may well be the world’s smallest — was discovered this week.

Fourth and probably the worst — There may, may be an asteroid on a collision course for earth. It could hit in about 17 years!

What the &$%# is going on? What’s the message here? Are the animals of the world trying to tell us something? Maybe, but I have another theory. Think of the biggest conspiracy you can imagine and then imagine that it’s ten times bigger than you imagined. OK, I’m not really good with theories but something’s going happen and it’s going to be BAD!

I didn’t do much last night. I just chilled out and watched the tube. The weather sure was pleasant last night, great sleeping weather! Excuse me for a second, “YAWN!” Internet boredom, thank you, thank you very much.

OK, yesterday’s contest. I have to say that I was surprised by all the real and all the fake people that entered. Thank you, I included everyone, once. At first, I was angry that some people entered twice, then I said to myself, who cares! Ha ha! Picking the names with me today is my lovely assistant, Pam. Here we go:

And the winner is:

Congratulations Audrey! I contacted Audrey and she had this to say:

“Thanks, Bob! Words cannot describe my joy right now. I am so excited to finally win one of your kick ass contests. Your thrilling stories give me reason to crawl out of bed each day and help to break up the boredom of my otherwise depressing work day. ”

Thanks for the kind words. People really do win on BobBorden.com!

Science, a great contest and a Giant Squid — what more could you want? That’s it! God Bless America. Uh oh, wait a second, Giant Squid wants to say something:Hmmmmmmmm, the Giant Squid hates BobBorden.com but likes Audrey, very strange.

Hello. I had quite the dilemma at the record store last night. I was in there for about a half and hour and didn’t know what to get. Once again, I don’t know any of these new bands! It was very stressful. I was only able to find one CD that I thought might be something. I was carrying around Guided by Voices for a long time but I’m only familiar with one of their songs. I looked at the section where you can listen to the CD before you buy it but the CD wasn’t there. I had to center myself, this is the point of no return. I said to myself, screw this — research it before you buy it. And I’m happy to report, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Not a whole heck of a lot going on; work, sleep, work, sleep. To break things up, I’ve decided to have one of my patented contests. In the past, I’ve given away films, books and my used pomade — that last one was a little strange. The question for me is what do I give away now? How can I top myself? How about a mix-tape? A tape of some songs that I enjoy listening to. Except instead of a tape, let’s take a step into the 80’s and make a CD! And that’s what I did last night.

I think that may be it for today. I wrote too much yesterday and before I knew it, I was talking about a walking snakehead fish! Have a good day. God Bless America.

Why is it so hot and humid? Last night there was a softball game between Late Show and The Daily Show. I was thinking about going but it was so damn hot! When I play, I PLAY and I was afraid they’d be taking me out on a stretcher. And we wouldn’t want that. This morning, I found out that we lost. Maybe if I played, we would have won. Why? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not one message on my message board yesterday — is everyone on vacation? Sometimes the Internet is a lonely place.

So, instead of playing softball, I was going to ride my bike. I just couldn’t get it together. Where did my drive go? I have, have, have to go out tomorrow. I did see something interesting on the sidewalk:
Did you lose this boot?

One lone boot! I bet that boot had quite the story to tell. Do you ever look at people and try to figure out their stories? Sometimes you can look at a person and see that they’ve had a hard life. There’s just something to the lines on their face. Next time you’re stuck on the bus or in a waiting room, look around.

Curb your Enthusiasm was on last night. When work was work and everything just gets to be too much — That show can really make you feel good about yourself. It really shows us that people are jerks, it’s as simple as that.

I know I didn’t have much to say today but I have a feeling that nobody read yesterday’s diary. So, please read yesterday’s and let’s move forward together. I don’t know what I’m talking about. Remember the photo of the boot? Pretty cool, right? Right? I wish I could play a sound effect of a cricket right here. I saw this story on Yahoo! last night:

Snakehead Fish in 7 States, U.S. to Ban Them (Reuters) – The land-walking snakehead fish that is native to Asia has been found in seven U.S. states and the Bush administration will announce on Tuesday a ban on U.S. imports of the predatory fish. The snakehead, which can grow up to 3 feet long, eats other fish and can walk across land to find new sources of food in other lakes and streams. The fish can stay out of water for up to three days.

Here’s my commentary: What the hell is going on in the world?! If I ever see a walking fish, I’m going to shoot first and ask questions later! When exactly did it all start going to s**t?

Tune in tomorrow for an exciting new “contest.” That’s it! God Bless America.

Hello. Friday night, a huge thunderstorm passed by. I didn’t think I should have my TV or computer on. Faced with the proposition of reading a book, I decided to give myself a haircut. It’s short but I like it that way during the summer, low maintenance. That’s what I keep telling myself, it helps break up my crying spells. Why did I cut my own hair, WHY?! Stay tuned, later in this diary are photos of my new look. After that, I watched American Movie. I enjoy that film.

Saturday, I woke up and the world was at my fingertips! Should I go horseback riding at the club, golf a quick 18 to get the blood moving or should I go yachting on the river? I decided to go over to Walter and “Sally’s” place to play PS2 all afternoon. I’ve never played that system. I was really looking forward to playing baseball and just kicking back. I took the PATH train into the city. On my walk up I noticed all the traffic lights weren’t working.Odd, I thought — can’t wait to play some PS2! I get there and sure enough, no electricity. A transformer caught fire and messed up the power grid. 60,000 people were without electricity. And we were without a plan. We walked until we found electricity and ate some Thai food. Mmmmmmm. I’m not sure what I ordered but it was damn good. We went back to their place and played a non-electric game, cards.

I had a really good time but after five hours without air conditioning, a fan or even a nice breeze — it was time for Bobby to fly. Back to New Jersey where the electricity is plentiful.

Sunday, I woke up early, finished my laundry and shopping all by 1:00. While my clothes were drying, I went on a search for a place to wash my car. I just wanted to wash off one layer of bird crap. I got lost. It took me over 20 minutes to get back to the laundry mat. Damn. I think getting lost builds character. I hope so anyway, I get lost all the time! I’m 32 and I’m still getting lost! That ain’t right. Sunday night, I made myself a salad with chicken. Good eating!

That’s it! I leave you today with an unexplained photo of myself, enjoy. God Bless America.

Unexplained photo