Welcome back! I’m not sure where to start. I guess I’ll start two weeks ago when I was planning my week off. Las Vegas, Paris, Milan, Barcelona and Rio were all being considered. However, after I did a little number crunching, I opted for Steubenville. Ah, Steubenville — streets paved of gold, a smile on every child’s face and a song in everyone’s heart. I really need to find a new place to vacation. I’M JUST KIDDING, sort of, ha ha. I hung out with my Mom. She likes to bet on the dogs, so we went to the track a lot. Ha ha! I’m just kidding.

I really wanted to spend every waking minute bowling. I only went once with my nephews, Lucas and Jacob and my Mom. They kids just walked up to the lane and slammed the ball down. And I mean SLAMMED! So that started the chain reaction of my Mom telling the kids how to bowl and the kids not listening to my Mom. I couldn’t wait to get out of there! That cured me of bowling for the rest of the week — thank goodness I didn’t invest in a ball yet! Here’s two photos of the kids at a more peaceful moment, at the Dairy Queen:

I love the kids! If you’re a reader of my message board this is the same Dairy Queen where Zach works. We exchanged hellos but I totally forgot to take his picture! Next time. I didn’t do a whole lot of stuff, I just hung out. Thursday, I came down with a cold that’s still with me! It’s awful! It’s everywhere in my body, throat, ears, nose, head — everywhere. Damn cold, AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Internet Acting, thank you, thank you very much. I got back on Saturday. I unloaded my car — that involves a lot of back and fourth trips. I get the last bit of junk out of my car, hands are full, close the trunk and a bird takes a dump on me!
 

I’m like a walking Ziggy cartoon!!!! I almost forgot something. On the drive from NJ to Ohio, I was listening to Hot 97, the NY Hip-Hop station. They have a lunchtime, old-school rap show. If you know anything about me, know this, I love old-school rap. So the DJ gave out the number to call to request a song. I called up and requested some RUN-D.M.C. — minutes later, they played a RUN-D.M.C. song. If you could have been with me you would have thought I hit the lottery! I was so excited!!! And yes, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one that called up for a RUN-D.M.C. song but I was still on cloud 9. It’s the little things, ya know? I didn’t do anything yesterday, just nursed this stupid cold. OK, that’s enough for today. Have a great day! God Bless America.

R.I.P. E.R.B.

Hello! I’m going to start things off today with a program note. This is the last Diary until March 11. I’m taking a week off to catch up on my stories. Are Luke and Laura really back together? Anyway, I’m having a blast redesigning my site with Walter. I think up something, he tells me that’s not such a great idea and then I think of something else, ha ha. It’s going better than that. I’m still on the “drawing on paper” stage. I really like the design/planning of it, it fits well with my meticulous nature. Yesterday I wrote about the billboard across the street from me, for The Majestic. Let’s take a look to see if it’s still there today:

Damn you Majestic!!! They love advertising for The Majestic!!!! That’s a huge billboard too. Hollywood has money to burn. HOLLYWOOD!!!!! Exciting day at work yesterday, why you ask? Because of this:

“I got my Do-si-dos! I got my Do-si-dos!!!!” If you heard me yell that ten feet away, you heard it from a mile! Does that make sense? Oh well. I ran into my friend Cara on the bus last night. That’s always a pleasant surprise to see someone you know on the bus. We live close to each other and we walked each other home. Man it was freezing! Tuesday it was 50 and yesterday it was snowing, crazy.

Once again, I’d like to squeeze a little time away from myself and share the love. Former Late Show writer, Jill Davis, has a new book out — Girls’ Poker Night. Jill’s good people, she’s funny and she wrote a darn good book. Still not convinced? Checkout her website, www.JillDavis.com.
Yesterday, I’m sitting at my desk, working on the “Johnson file” and my Instant Message pops up. Here’s the message: Walter: dude, my Pumas are in Newark!Ha ha ha!!! I thought that was the funniest thing! At one time or another, we’ve all had our Pumas in Newark, am I right people?! I tried to watch The Grammy Awards last night but popular music has just passed me by and kicked me in the butt. I still love Stairway to Heaven andThe Rain Song by Led Zeppelin. If that’s out then I never want to be in. Can I get a witness?! Straight up, I’m stuck on an island and I make a CD player out of coconuts (it’s powered by a waterfall by the way) — All I need is one CD withStairway to Heaven and I’m a happy man. People always ask me about my cats and I never got around to updating my “Bob’s Cats” section. So, here’s two new photos of my cats:

Billy and Evelyn, they’re all good. OK, that’s it! Have a great week, see you on March 11. God Bless America. Good Luck Carter and Craig:

 

Man, I can’t believe it’s Wednesday already! The week is flying by and that’s good! I took a few pictures at work yesterday. So, I thought it would be a good idea to have a show and tell today. Here’s the first picture:

When they put this up across the street from my office back in early December, I liked it. It has a nostalgic feel to it. However, it’s now the end of February, the film was a flop back on December 22 when it opened and now I’m sick of this billboard! Billboard people, Majestic people, anybody, please get rid of this thing. This next photo is the heartbeat of the Late Show, that’s right, my office:

Here’s some things I wanted to show you in that photo:
1. My desk. I’m pointing this out because of the old adage, a cluttered desk, a cluttered mind. See what I’m saying? There’s no clutter, my mind is dedicated to work and only work.
2. Shelf above my desk. I’m pointing this out because this is where the giant pickle was before crashing down on my body. Look at the height, I could have been hurt, really, really bad.
3. Bag. I’m pointing this out because that’s my breakfast and I’m hungry, sorry, ha ha.
4. The phone. Deals are made and deals are broken on this phone. With this phone, I can reach anyone in the world — IN THE WORLD!

This last photo isn’t that great but the sunset was such a beautiful hue, I had to share it with you:

That’s calming, isn’t it? I didn’t do anything last night. OK, that’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America.

I have a lot on my mind today. I’m in the planning stages of a 100% redesign of this website. I know I’ve said that in the past but this time’s for real. I have some cool things in my mind for this place. I like the thinking process. I think up all these crazy things and Walter tells me if it’s possible. Most of the time he just says, “Let me guess, you want the head to spin?” Ha ha! Hey, that was kind of a new character, Imaginary Walter. Maybe that’s something for my new site? Maybe not. I was so excited yesterday, my bowling book arrived! I’m am going to learn the ins and outs from bowling great, Dick Weber. This book is so cool — it covers everything from ball selection to the mental game. I don’t want to build this up too much as I’ve only been to the alley twice in two years but I have a feeling bowling is going to change my life. Check out this cool picture from the book:

(The picture in the book is just black ink, I added all the other stuff.) That could be me! This book isn’t for pushovers either, check out these crazy diagrams:

My math homework wasn’t that complicated — And I’m talking about college math people! Am I right people? Can I get an Amen? “Amen!” Thank you! I can’t wait to get to a lane to try out this new stuff. Speaking of Amen, I was buying some lottery tickets last night, the lotto guy handed me the tickets and said, “God bless you, buddy.” I thought to myself, well, that’s just about the nicest thing you can say to someone. I was so touched, I said to him, “God bless you too, brother.” I like little moments like that. That’s what it’s all about. I didn’t do anything last night. Sometimes the best thing to do is absolutely nothing. And on that note — Have a good one. God Bless America.

Hi. I started the old weekend off Friday night. Walter and myself went back to his place on the spur of the moment. The plan was to play video games and have pizza. It sounds lame but when you get right down to it, that’s all I really want to do. On the way there I spotted a huge dumpster full of books. They were in perfect condition, except for being in a dumpster, ha ha. Walter and I looked at each other and did the only thing we could do, rolled up our sleeves and started digging. From the books I was uncovering, I kind of get the feeling that an “alternative” book store went out of business. “Alternative” meaning: there seemed to be a lot of books about young men, discovering things — mostly about each other, ha ha. By the time we left, hordes of people were picking over our discovery. I walked away with a book by Gong Show legend, Chuck Barris and Walter walked away with a big stack of albums. He said he’s going to lock himself in a room and become the next Moby. Saturday, I cleaned my apartment. I mean I really cleaned it! I like having a place for everything and everything in its place. Good feeling. I talked on the phone a little bit and then drove to Nutley to do my laundry. Here’s a photo of my clothes in the dryer:

I took another photo in the parking lot. I was trying to be creative but it looks more like the Rain Man stole my camera and snapped a quick one.

I like that picture, it calms me. Sunday, I met up with my friend Sandi. We decided to go on an adventure, first stop, Ihop, ha ha. Ihop, let me tell you, they know what the heck they’re doing. From there, we kept driving and saw a sign for a place called The Rowe-Manse Emporium — A Specialty Department Store. I was thinking to myself that it was going to be one of those crazy sex places, you know, like they show on HBO every other hour. We both agreed it would be fun to explore and see how the other half lives. It turned out to be some cheap five and dime store. It was the weirdest store I’ve ever been in. There was a display of singing James Brown dolls, a candy section, a suit section, a glass section — even a snow sled section. The snow sleds were behind glass. Why? What is this place and why is it called the Rowe-Manse Emporium? We were both thrown for a loop. That was the end of the adventure. Because, where can you go from there? Here’s a picture that Sandi took outside the place:

We went home after that. I got some dinner, watched some TV and that was that. What a beautiful weekend. It was around 50 degrees, right where I like it. Rowe-Manse Emporium. I think I figured it out — “Rowe” and “Manse” must be two different people. I call that false advertising! That would make for quite the trial. “Your Honor, I wanted to go to a crazy sex shop — I feel that I was mislead by the department store’s name: Rowe-Manse Emporium.” Here’s another thing, who calls their store an “Emporium”? That’s a horrible name! “Macy’s Emporium” Does that sound good, I ask you, does it?! The whole thing just stinks! OK, that’s enough for a Monday. Have a good one. God Bless America.

I’m not sure how to tell this story. It’s almost one of those “had to be there” type things. But it’s so good, I at least have to give it a shot. I’m sitting at my desk yesterday, working, minding my own business. All of the sudden,“CRASH!” Something falls on me and hits the side of my body and slams into my desk! And it hit hard! I have a shelf above my desk where I have on display among other things, a car bumper, a guitar case and a giant pickle. It was the last item on that list that did the damage. It made such a loud noise that 5 people ran into my office to see what happened. I was in shock and said, “My giant pickle just hit me in the fu**ing head!” I got the giant pickle a few years ago. I think the pickle council sent them to people to promote, well, pickles. Here’s a photo of the pickle that almost did me in:

I’m not sure what it is but life seems a little sweeter now. The giant pickle could have really hurt me but it didn’t. Here’s something new to BobBorden.com, I call it Bob’s Throw Away Comments, here it goes: Man, this weather is crazy, it’s like 60 degrees out there. Thank you, thank you very much. Last night I met up with my friends, Sandi, Bob and Alex. I just stopped by to say hello and to talk. Sandi was nice enough to compliment me on my jacket. That made me feel 20 feet tall. I only stayed there for a drink because I was starting to get hot. I left my jacket on because the T-shirt I was wearing didn’t look so great — plus, I had kind of “a look” going on. That’s very rare for me to have “a look.” So, I had to stick with it come hell or high water. Bob snapped a quick photo on my way out and was kind enough to send it to me.

Thanks Bob! I like that photo! That’s me last night, in a bar talking to Sandi and Alex — two lovely ladies, if I may say that. I felt like I was hip and making the scene. I got home and thought that there was no way that Bob would have the time to send me that photo before today’s diary. So, I recreated the photo minus the ladies. This falls under the category of photos I shouldn’t show:

Man oh man, I’m just not right, ha ha. OK, that’s it for another week in the life of me, Bob. Thanks for checking out my site, thanks for telling your friends about my site and thanks for making this site the number one site on the Internet — NUMBER 1!!!! God Bless America.

Hello! I don’t mind telling you that I’ve been crazy busy at work this week. And you know what that means — when Bobby works hard, Bobby plays hard! So, last night, I went home. “Booooo!” Sorry. Yesterday’s Random Photo of the Day, a Vanilla Ice doll, that’s mine — I received it as a Christmas gift this year. That photo got me thinking. And that brain storming session, with myself, led to me checking out eBay. And an hour and 6 minutes later, it led to the purchase of an MC Hammer doll. I’m not sure if Buyer’s Remorse is the proper (get it, “proper”) term for how I feel right now. Sometimes I feel like I’m a highly functioning idiot. I earn money but have no concept on how to use it. I just felt like Ice needed a companion. And who better to spend doll eternity with than fellow early 90’s rap icon, MC Hammer? “Please Hammer don’t hurt ’em” I was doing my job yesterday and doing it well but in the back of my head, I was thinking, “Damn, I wonder how much time is left in that MC Hammer doll auction?” Now I’m thinking about the Master P doll! I’m going to end up in the Toys ‘R Us this weekend asking the clerk, you got anymore Master P dolls in stock? I’ll have detailed photos when I get the doll. “You can’t touch this!”I was on the phone last night. First to my Mom, second to my friend Jocelyn, and third to my friend Sandi. I asked Sandi to name anything in my apartment and I’ll take a photo of it for my diary — she hasn’t been to my crib yet — “YET,” am I right fellas? Sorry. Anyway, she said either the fridge or the medicine cabinet. Great suggestions but I can tell you what’s in there and it’s pretty boring. In the fridge I have water and beer and in the medicine cabinet I have gauze and dental floss — A lot of floss. So, I decided to take a photo of me, talking on the phone to Sandi:

Oh, Sweet Georgia Brown! I am a highly functioning idiot!!! Why am I wearing a shirt with a tractor on it? Did I just say Sweet Georgia Brown? Where did that come from? I don’t even know what that means? This diary has left me with more questions than answers. I want to end today’s diary by giving another shout out to Jill Davis’new book, Girls’ Poker Night. You can read about the book and about Jill on Jill’s new website –WWW.JillDavis.COM — tell your friends. God Bless America. “STOP, HAMMER TIME!”

Hello!!!!! I’m going to start off today’s diary by telling you what Walter (Walter – loyal friend and webmaster.) instant messaged me last night.

Walter: Go home, take some pictures of your apartment and then throw your camera into the Hudson River.

And before I could say, “No he just did not!”, he signed off. So, Walter, I’m calling you out my friend, what up?

Walter: Dude, chill, it was just a joke.

Oh, OK. I’m talking to my friend, Jay, yesterday and he told me a story. I liked it so much I asked him if he wouldn’t mind sharing it with everyone. Here’s Jay:

Hi. I was walking on the Upper West Side the other night and was standing at a corner where 2 guys were saying goodnight to each other. One says, “Congrats on the new computer” and the other says “Congrats on the new tattoo.” That’s all I heard but it just seemed odd.
Thanks, Jay! I enjoyed that story. I don’t have any ideas for photos today. I kind of used up all my creativity on the taste test thing yesterday, ha ha. So, here’s a new feature to BobBorden.com — I call it, Random Photo of the Day. Here it is:

And that’s the Random Photo of the Day!!! “Boooooo, you suck Borden!” You don’t know me, you don’t know anything!!! I had the perfect evening last night. I got home, took a shower. put in a movie, grabbed a cold one and headed off to relaxation land. I like relaxation land. I like it a lot. That’s about it for today. It’s hump day — be careful out there. That didn’t make any sense. “You’re damn right it didn’t make any sense, you still suck!” LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!! Have a good day. God Bless America.