Author Archives: Bob

by Bob

Hello or should I say welcome back. The rest of the world had President’s Day off while I had the BobBorden.com staff working overtime, ha ha. Seriously, it was lonely in here. I’m writing this like I’m in the webpage, you know, like Tron. Maybe I am inside my webpage? AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!! Internet Acting, thank you, thank you very much. First up today, I need to take care of some business.

Last week I told you about former Late Show writer, Jill Davis. She’s coming out with a book today and I just want you to think about that the next time you’re in the checkout line buying some crap novel by some pompus jerk! Jill’s the real deal! Jill Davis, Girls’ Poker Night. Say it with me, “Jill Davis, Girls’ Poker Night.” Again, “Jill Davis, Girls’ Poker Night.” COME ON, I CAN’T HEAR YOU, “Jill Davis, Girls’ Poker Night!” OK, that’s better. She’s funny, you know the book will be great — just do yourself a favor and buy it.

OK. As I mentioned earlier, I spent President’s Day at work. I don’t have a whole lot that’s new. I was tired at work yesterday. My sleep patterns got messed up this weekend, I guess, I’m no doctor. Last night, I stopped off at the old 24 hour cigar store to pick up some lotto tickets. While I was there, I purchased a soda, Mountain Dew Code Red. It’s a cherry soda. Mmmm, I like cherry soda. So, since this is a new soda and the first time I’ve tried it, I decided to do a taste test. This is a BobBorden.com exclusive!!!! Here are the challengers:

Swill vs. Mountain Dew Code Red, who will emerge victorious? Which beverage will I enjoy more — The common garden variety Swill or cherry Code Red? Let’s take a look:

Ugh, they’re both equally awful! Swill has a hard to describe aftertaste. And Code Red has a harsh taste of lighter fluid followed by an aftertaste of rotten fruit. I could also imagine that if you were to lick the pole in a subway train, Code Red would come to mind. Swill vs. Mountain Dew Code Red….the winner:

It’s a tie. There are no winners in this taste test. Why did I buy Mountain Dew? WHY?????!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow’s test: Swill vs. Hawaiian Punch. That’s it! God Bless America.

by Bob

Happy President’s Day!! I hope you had a lovely weekend. I watched a movie Friday night —Full Metal Jacket. Good, good movie. Saturday, I didn’t get out of bed until 12:30! That’s late for me as I like to get a jump on the day. I fumbled around and then headed off to Nutley to do my laundry. I got back to Hoboken, picked up some pizza and watched Pink Floyd’s The Wall. That’s a great movie. Very trippy. I set my alarm clock for 6:20. I was going to get up and checkout the sunrise. I never made it. 6:20 came and I couldn’t muster up the strength to get up. I got up at 10. I’d made plans to spend the day with my friend, Cara. Cara and I went to the same college, Kent State University but we graduated at different times. I’m a little older than she is. We met a few years back and for one reason or the other we haven’t really hung out. Cara wanted to go to Montclair, NJ because this antique store that used to be in Hoboken moved there. I looked on the computer to find Montclair and it looked simple enough to get there. It’s only 12.9 miles away from Hoboken. Anyway, 68 miles later, we finally found it! I’m not that good at directions. I couldn’t talk because I was so starving. My blood sugar must have been low. Here’s Cara in front of the Chinese place we ate in:

She’s good people. We were both at fault for not being able to find Montclair. She had a postcard with directions that she didn’t bring. And I wouldn’t stop and ask for directions. That’s not part of the adventure, ha ha. It’s a nice little town. Here’s a photo Cara took of me standing in front of a movie theater eating popcorn.

We didn’t see a movie but the smell of the popcorn was so irresistible, I had to get some. Mmmmmmmm, popcorn. We drove back to Hoboken after that and went our sperate ways. It only took 12.9 miles to get back, ha ha! I picked up some dinner and watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High. A lovely weekend, if I do say so myself. That’s it. Have a great day. God Bless America!

by Bob

I’m not sure what happened but by the time I started to head home last night, the thought of a womanless Valentine’s Day brought me down. The streets were lined with couples. This one had a balloon, that one had a flower, this couple were kissing, that couple were holding hands. Too much for me! I started thinking — it won’t be that bad. You’ve been gone all day, you come home, check your messages, return a few phone calls, go to bed, big deal, who cares. This is how my answering machine greeted me:

Zip, zero, nothing. My mom didn’t even call! I was down but not out. For you see, what I didn’t tell you was that on my way home, I made a kit to help me get through the night:

I had it all in front of me: A Hall and Oates CD, Pringles and War-Games!!! Man, what a night! What a night. Yep. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Is this it Lord? Internet Acting, thank you, thank you very much. OK, that’s it — Have a great weekend! What are you doing this weekend? Let me know on my message board. God Bless America. “Shall we play a game?” Man, that’s a good movie!

by Bob

Happy Valentine’s Day! The nice thing about keeping a diary is revisiting your past. Before I started today’s diary, I looked at what was going on a year ago. Can you say bitter? Things are pretty much the same as last year — meaning – I still don’t have a woman in my life. I don’t really mind this year. It’d be nice to be with someone but it just isn’t in the cards for me right now. I’m perfectly content being single. Heck, I’m only 32. I don’t really feel like life has started rolling for me yet. I’m happy, I really am. I’m cool with my single life. OH SWEET LORD, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE — SEND ME A WOMAN!!!! I’m losing my mind, Lord!!! I’m not content, I was just trying to be suave. Lord, I’m sorry Lord! I’m not suave! Lord? LORD!!!!!!!!!!! Oh I’m just having fun. So, I’m stuck in traffic for the past three mornings. Tuesday I was sitting for an hour and a half! They shut down the bus station because some idiot said his cell phone was a bomb. I keep this little book in my bag for such an emergency — The Basics of Blackjack. It’s really a handy book to have. It tells you when to hit and when to stand, it has charts and everything. I like to refresh myself on the basics every now and then, you never know when a game will pop up. Here’s a passage I enjoyed from The Basics of Blackjack–“The ace-6, the soft 17, will never be stood upon. It will either be hit, or doubled down. When you see a player standing with a soft 17, you’ll know he’s very weak, and a loser.”

Ha ha, this author doesn’t mince words. I’d like to read a weight-loss book written by this guy — “Hey fat ass, put down the doughnut and back it up on the treadmill.”

On my way home last night I stopped of at the old 24 hour cigar store. I picked up some Valentine’s Day scratch-off tickets. The hope is that while I’m unlucky in love, I’ll be lucky in — the lotto? Booooooo, anyway, I bought 2 Valentine’s Kisses tickets:

OK, I’m going to scratch them off. Oh man, I’m so excited! This is my chance to pick up a cool $50,000! Good-bye hard road, hello easy street! Here I go:

Damn!!! LOTTO!!!!! Seriously, if you’re a single woman in the tri-state area, do yourself a favor and drop me a line. Did that seem desperate? I DON’T CARE!!! Ha ha. That’s it. Love the one you’re with. God Bless America.

by Bob

Man! I wrote my whole diary for today and then my computer crashed!!!! I lost everything. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, maybe just the diary. AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! That was solid gold, I’ll never be able to repeat it, never! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! OK. I watched some of the Olympics last night. I’ve never watched them before. I enjoyed it. The human drama, the competition and the athletes. I couldn’t help thinking, do these people have jobs? I guess the job is just to practice, practice, practice. Still, a pretty sweet deal. You get to work at something you love. I’d like to think that’s the case anyway. I wish bowling was an Olympic sport. I’m on a bowling jones right now. I’m looking at bowling balls online. And I just know I’m going to find a little out of the way alley this weekend and just bowl my guts out. I don’t see why snowboarding is an Olympic event and bowling isn’t. My guess and it’s only a guess, is that the snowboarding people have a great lobbying group in their corner. Meanwhile, the bowlers have — nightbowling?
DAMN SNOWBOARDING LOBBY GROUP!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Internet Acting, thank you, thank you very much. I listened to Stairway to Heaven about 15 times at work yesterday. That’s a sweet tune. On the total other end of the spectrum, I’ve also been listening to Hall and Oates. They have some great songs. I’m going to go out on a limb, they were the best group of the 80’s — with the exception of Motley Crue, of course. I don’t know anything about music, I just know what I like. I haven’t bought a new record in what seems like months. Are you listening Hollywood? HOLLYWOOD!!!!!! OK, I don’t know what that means either. It’s just fun to yell at Hollywood sometimes, you know they’re doing something wrong. HOLLYWOOD!!!!!!! The Oscar noms (nominations) came out yesterday. I think it’s safe to say that it was a bad year for movies. I saw almost every film nominated and while they’re OK — there’s not an E.T. among them, ya know what I’m saying? OH, I’m exhausted. That’s it. God Bless America.

by Bob

Hello. I hope you enjoyed my photo diary yesterday. I enjoyed putting it together. I was walking home last night and I started thinking what can I do for tomorrow? The answer was in my mailbox.

I got a postcard announcing the release of Jill A. Davis’ first novel, Girls’ Poker Night. “Who’s Jill?” You’re probably saying to yourself. She was a writer for Late Show not so long ago. I’m a big fan for three reasons — She’s a nice person, she’s very funny and she was the first writer to put me in a remote — back in 1995. “Dave finds Bob a Date”. Man, I remember that like it was yesterday. I didn’t find a date but because the remote went well, I was able to do a lot of cool on-camera things. Congratulations, Jill! Girls’ Poker Night is coming out on the 19th — Pre-order your copy today and tell your friends, I am!

Other than playing the lotto last night and that it’s cold out, that’s all I got. Man, if I got my hands on some of that lotto money, things sure would be sweet! I’d have a shrimp cocktail everynight! EVERYNIGHT! Have a great day. God Bless America.

by Bob

My weekend got off to a great start on Friday night. We went out to dinner and then went bowling to celebrate Walter’s birthday. The restaurant we went to, Duke’s, was cool. They brought us beer in a bucket. Mmmmmmmm, beer in a bucket. After Walter inspected the balls —The seven of us took to the lanes. It was that crazy night bowling, with all the crazy black lights. It wasn’t that bad but it did take some getting used to. I didn’t play so great. The combination of the crazy lights and beer don’t make for great bowling. I hate using the balls in the alley. They’re all dented and messed up. I’m looking into getting my own bowling ball as we speak. Custom drilled. Sure, I’ll probably only use it twice a year but that’s twice as many times that my game will be great. Here’s a group shot, excluding me as I took the photo —



From left to right: Jay, Paul, “Sally,” Walter, Colleen and Chris. I had a few strikes and a few gutter balls but that’s life. We had a great time! Thanks Walter! Saturday, I woke up and listened to Hall and Oates’ Greatest Hits. Great stuff! After that I went to IHOP (International House of Pancakes) I went with Sandi and Bob Bowdon. Here’s a photo of Bob and me– Sandi took the photo.That’s what I look like after a night of bowling and drinking, not to mention an Ihop “breakfast” — We ate at 1:30, ha ha. We had a good time just chatting and enjoying each other’s company. Sandi and Bob are good people. I got home and headed out to Nutley to do my laundry. I hit it perfectly, there was no one in there. Just me and the machines.



The nice laundry lady took my picture. I asked her if I could take her photo but she wasn’t into it. I got back home, had some soup and called it a night. Sunday I woke up and went to the A & P. I got back home and said to myself, time for an adventure. I called up Walter and “Sally” and said let’s do something. Walter said we should drive up to Nyack, New York and that’s what we did. It’s a nice little town. And it looks like they have some great shows coming into town.We had a great lunch at this cool Mexican Restaurant. I forget what they’re called but I ordered the stuff that you put together. It was good!



We stopped off at this crazy mall on the way home. Crazy because it was just so big. Four floors, stores and people everywhere, oh the people! I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I took this photo while I was driving on the way back, I like it.



I dropped off Walter and “Sally” at the Path station and drove home. I didn’t do much after that, just talked on the phone and watched TV. Life is good. And that, as they say, was that. That’s enough for today. I hope you enjoyed this photo recount of my weekend. Let me know on my message board. Have a great day. God Bless America. I almost forgot, I’d like to leave you with a photo that Walter took — it’s a picture of his favorite subject, himself.


by Bob

OK, you asked for it, you got it! I hope you enjoy today’s diary today because you helped write it. You ask the questions, I answer. Let’s get started. Please excuse the spelling.

Q) What prompted you to buy orange socks?
A) I went through a phase a few years back where I just loved color. I bought red and orange socks. I wore them proudly and then after a few months, I felt like I looked like a dork. I wore them a few weeks ago on a lark.

Q) What are your hours at work?
A) 9:30 to 7

Q) Do you work 5 days a week?
A) Yes.

Q) Do you ever post on the weekends?
A) No, not as a rule. However, I do check in and see what’s going on. Most of the time, nothing’s going on during the weekends.

Q) Do you like corn?
A) Yes.

Q) What’s your favorite food?
A) You can’t go wrong with a good steak. Mmmmmm, steak.

Q) What is the difference between scattered showers and isolated showers?
A) I’m not sure. I’d guess that scattered showers are showers that happen in the area but not everywhere in that area. And I’d say that isolated showers occur everywhere but only one location. I don’t know?

Q) What was the first record you ever purchased?
A) The first record I remember buying is Blonde. I also remember buying the Pac-Man Fever record. I was never much for buying 45’s — it was all or nothing, ha ha.

Q) What would you buy if you were 10 years old and someone gave you $5?
A) I probably would have saved it. I was good at holding on to my funds back in the day.

Q) What do you do at Late Show and how did you get there from Ohio?
A) I’m a writer’s assistant. I help the writers with anything they may need. That could mean anything depending on the day. Yesterday I had to track down Expos footage — not as easy as it sounds. I applied for an internship. That’s how I got here — Many, many years ago.

Q) What do you think of the people that visit you web site and do you find it creepy that people all over the world take an interest in your life?
A) I just think they’re people working the old 9 to 5 and load this up to take a break. I don’t find it creepy at all that people check this site out. We’re all in the public eye in one way or the other. I’m just taking it to the extreme.

Q) Who is your favorite author?
A) I’m not what you’d call a book person. The last book I read was Motley Crue’s The Dirt. If there’s a subject I find interesting like Motley Crue, I find that I can’t put it down. Those kinds of books seem to be few and far between, for me at least.

Q) How much does it cost to do your laundry? Do you separate the whites and delicates?
A) It costs $1.50 for a regular machine and $3.50 for one of those big, 3 load machines. I usually dump all my colors in the big machine and the whites in the small machine. I don’t think I have any delicates.

Q) Do you see celebrities walking around New York?
A) Yes, someone always seems to have had a celebrity sighting. On Monday in fact, I reported that my webmaster, Walter, saw Bjork. BJORK!!!!!

Q) What’s the best park you’ve ever been to?
A) We went to Maine one year on vacation. There’s a national park up north, can’t think of the name. They have this huge mountain. It was very cold/windy. I liked that.

Q) What are your top pop culture picks for 2001?
A) 2001 seems so long ago already. I honestly don’t have an answer. There’s pop culture and then there’s what I do. I listen to heavy metal music from the 80’s as a hobby.

Q) What is the meaning of life?
A) Wow, we went from how much is my laundry to this? Heavy. I think the meaning of life is love. How we love our familles, spouses and just people in general. Love.

Wow, a lot of good questions this time. Thank you. I want to send out a big, big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend Walter Kim! Happy Birthday, dog! That’s it! God Bless America.